Starting Again
by Blondie785
Summary: This is the sequel to Your Eyes Say More Than Your Words Ever Do...the continued story of Reilly Michelle WWE Diva and John Cena, WWE Superstar. If you haven't read the first installment, I highly recommend reading that first-you can find it here- /s/8234107/1/Your Eyes Say More Than Your Words Ever Do -Read, review, favorite...
1. Waking

**Chapter 1 (Waking)**

_-Reilly-_

I could hear noises, voices around me. I wanted to open my eyes but my head felt like it had been hit by a freight train and there was another coming at me. It hurt to even move my head but I wanted, needed to see where I was. I had no idea. The last thing I remembered was hitting the floor outside the ring and then picturing John in my mind before everything went dark.

I clenched my fists tight, bracing myself for the next wave of pain and slowly worked my eyes open. The pain intensified as the light hit my eyes and I quickly closed them again, taking a sharp breath in.

"Take your time, you're going to be a little sore," I heard a voice next to me say. I didn't recognize it at all but shook it off, focusing on letting the light in again.

I grabbed hold of what felt like a blanket covering me and squeezed tight, forcing my eyes open as slowly as possible. I got them partially opened and waited, letting them slowly adjust to the light. When I felt I could handle it, I opened them a little more, step by step, until my eyes were fully open. The pain was a little more bearable once I got myself used to the light and I blinked a few times, trying to look around without too much movement of my head. My eyes scanned the room and I realized I was in a hospital bed, with a nurse standing next to me smiling. She must have been the voice I had heard.

"How are you feeling?" She asked me, glancing at some machines I was hooked up to and making some notes on my chart.

"Sore." I whispered. My mouth was dry and I reached over and picked up a glass of water sitting on the bedside table next to me. The movement was slow but as my muscles readjusted it wasn't quite as painful anymore. I took a few sips as the nurse smiled at me again.

"Well, that's expected." She started. "Your motor movements look nice, which is a good sign. Most likely you ended up with a major concussion. You should consider yourself pretty lucky after taking a shot like that."I closed my eyes and leaned back against the pillows at the memory of what had happened. My first Wrestlemania and I had totally screwed it up. I just hoped my boss Vince wasn't going to kill me for it.

"Oh my god I'm so glad your finally awake!" I heard a worried voice and recognized this one right away. My eyes opened to see Kelly standing there, a terrified expression on her face.

"Kel, I'm fine I swear. The nurse said it's just a concussion, that's it." I pushed myself to a sitting position in the bed, wincing a little at the pounding in the back of my head.

"Yeah, well you say that because you didn't have to just sit and watch it from the back like we did. Your mom was so worried...she said she'll be back in a few minutes by the way. She just had to run to the store and..." Kelly always rambled when she was flustered.

"Ok, breath for a minute. Slow down Kel. My parents are here?" I questioned. I hadn't wanted to worry them and hoped they wouldn't feel the need to fly out just to make sure I was ok.

"Of course they're here. They got in yesterday morning. You've been out for two days hun." Kelly breathed, calming herself down and pulling up a chair next to me.

"Feels like it. How mad is Vince?" I questioned, unsure if I really wanted the answer.

"He's not. He doesn't blame you Reilly so quit worrying already. He gave me a few days off when I told him I wanted to stay here with you. He just wants you back healthy and said to take your time. Your job is still going to be there when you get back." Kelly stated matter-of-factly.

I laid my head back against the pillow closing my eyes again. I could picture the whole thing in my mind,could almost feel the instantaneous pain all over again. I saw myself falling over the ropes, hitting the floor and then staring at the lights of the arena before my eyes went dark, but I couldn't for the life of me remember anything between then and waking up here in the hospital. It was either all a blank or I really was out cold.

"It's so weird, Kel. I don't remember anything after hitting the floor. My eyes closed and then...it's all a big blank. I don't even remember getting to thehospital." I looked over at Kelly, who was staring back at me with a very odd expression. "I'm serious, I remember seeing the doctor standing over me and then the last thing I pictured in my head was..." I hesitated, unsure if I should even mention it.

"It was him wasn't it Reilly? It was John..." Kelly's voice was not much more than a whisper and she stared out the window when she said it. A glimpse of what I thought was recognition made her forehead crease for a split second before it was gone and her face was smooth again.  
I sighed, knowing I couldn't get anything past her. "Yes, it was John and I know what you're going to say Kel but I can't help it. I know it's better for him and his marriage this way but I miss him. I'm going to tell you something but you have to swear you won't say anything to anyone."

She looked intently at me again, leaning in with serious eyes. "You know you can tell me anything. You're my best friend and I am here for you no matter what."

I took a deep breath, knowing that saying the words out loud for the first time was going to hurt like hell considering how separate John and I had become. "Kel, I love him...I don't even know how or when it happened but I realized it when I fell that night and I wasn't sure if I'd ever see him you have to swear, SWEAR you will never say anything. He can't find out, I don't want him to ever know how I really feel. I can't risk it messing up his marriage."

She looked at me with eyes that flickered with an emotion I didn't see out of Kelly very looked away from me, down at the floor as if she didn't want me to see the changed expression that crossed her face. She was hiding something from me and that worried me. Kelly never hid anything from me, she was always first to tell me anything.

I pushed myself forward in the bed, the throbbing in my head the farthest thought from my mind. "What's going on Kelly? You're hiding something from me and you know I can always tell when something is up. What are you not telling me?"

She shifted in her chair, like a nervous child who was about to get scolded. "Ok, but you have to promise if I show you that you won't kill me." She stood and I watched as she walked over to her purse on the table across the room. She rummaged through it for a minute before walking back to me with what looked like a dvd in her hands.

Kelly walked over to the tv, popped the dvd into the player and hit play, then turned back to me with a worried look on her face. "Just remember," she started, "you wanted to know what I was hiding."

I watched the screen as the beginning of my match popped up and I grimaced. I wasn't ready to watch my huge screw up yet. "Kelly, I'm not ready for this. I can't sit here and watch myself screw up..."

"I know it's not easy but there's a reason you need to see this." Kelly cut me off. She had the remote in her hand and fast-forwarded the dvd to right where the chair connected with the back of my head. I shivered as I watched, felt the immediate pain all over again and I couldn't help but let a few tears out. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do watching myself on video as I tumbled forward off the ropes and hit the ground below. The thing about pay-per view events like Wrestlemania is that there are no commercials so the cameras don't stop rolling. I shivered again. It felt strange watching this all unfold from someone else's point of view. The cameraman was focused on the ring doctor trying to get me to respond to him when the camera shook hard and lost focus as if someone had pushed the operator out of the way. I heard a voice yell "Let me see her. We need to get her to the back..." and I didn't want to believe what my mind was instantly telling me. I recognized the voice instantly and my heart fluttered in spite of myself.

The cameraman refocused and zoomed out and my thoughts were instantly confirmed. It was John's voice I had heard. He had pushed the cameraman out of the way to get through and was now hovering over me, conversing worriedly with the ring doctor.

"I know that but I don't want to waste any time. We need to get her to the back NOW and get her checked out." John yelled as the doctor tried to convince him to wait for the back board to get me to the back. The camera was focused on John's face as he argued with the doctor and I swallowed hard when I saw the frustration and worry cross it. I had seen John worried quite a few times in the six years I had known him but it was never this intense.

The camera panned to the doctor who gave in, more worried about waiting any longer than doing things the practical way. "Ok let's get her back there. Just make sure you keep her as still as possible," The doctor instructed John who was already reaching for me.  
It felt surreal as I sat there and watched as John scooped me up into his arms. For as big a guy as he was, he was unbelievably careful. I stared at the tv, watching as he effortlessly carried me back up the ramp toward the back. His forehead was creased again with worry but he walked without ever taking his eyes off of me. I was completely out in his arms, and I realized, sitting there in the hospital, just how lucky I was that all I ended up with was a concussion.

The video cut out and Kelly shut the tv off as I shook my head in disbelief. "Kelly, please tell me something and tell me the truth. How did he know what had happened? Was he watching in back?"  
Kelly hesitated slightly, glancing at the floor again and fiddling with her fingers before answering me. "Ok, you deserve to know the truth. Reilly I know you two haven't been talking or anything like you used to but that doesn't mean he has stopped caring about you. John begged me to never tell you this but you deserve to know the truth and I hope he won't hate me for it but he and I have been watching all of your matches together. He waits until you leave the locker room to head to the ring and then he'll come sit with me and watch your match. It's his chance to ask me how you've been and what you've been up to. He cares about you more now I think then ever before but he didn't want you to know. John wanted to keep you at arms length as much as possible to avoid hurting you. He was afraid to get any closer to you Reilly, afraid that you would walk away because you worried about his marriage to Liz. Just please don't be mad at me for not telling you. You're both my friends and I love both of you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." Kelly took a deep breath and took hold of my hand, squeezing it softly.

"He really came to you to find out things about what I've been up to?" My voice was cracking as I tried to fight back the tears. I had missed him terribly and convinced myself that he had let me go and now I was finding out that he never gave up on me.

"Reilly, he misses you so much but he told himself it was better for you this way so you'd never have to feel bad. I kept trying to convince him to talk to you but all he would say is 'she can't find out'. Please don't hate me." Kelly begged, squeezing my hand again.

"You know I could never hate you Kel. I just...this was something I wasn't expecting. I mean, you know how I feel about him..How am I supposed to go back and possibly face him again?" I blinked my eyes, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall. At that moment, I realized how relieved I was that I had time before I had to be back at work. It was going to take everything in me to be able to face him again and I would need every day I could get to figure out what I was going to do. Things were more complicated than ever between us and we hadn't even seen each other...


	2. Flowers

**Chapter 2 (Flowers)**

**One Month Later...**

_-Reilly-  
_  
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and pushed the door to the arena open. It was a Monday afternoon, we were in Dallas and I was back at work for the first time since my concussion at Wrestlemania. I couldn't believe it had only been a month; it had felt like forever. I had used the opportunity of having some time off to finally go out and buy myself a house, and once I had done that, I rarely left. I went to visit my parents for a few days, hung out with some old friends, but the rest of the time I stayed home, spending time at the beach and enjoying the first peace and quiet I had experienced since starting work with the WWE. I had missed it like crazy though and had just about driven myself insane with the thoughts in my head. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why John had come down to the ring that night at Wrestlemania. I had kept the video that Kelly had shown me and watched it over and over again. I don't know what I was hoping to find, it was just the same thing again and again. I fought with myself multiple nights about calling John and just coming out and asking him but would chicken out every time. What had been going through his head was what bothered me the most. If what Kelly said was true and he was keeping me at arms length, then why even worry about me. Like I said, this past month had felt like a year with all these questions.

I wandered through the halls on my way to Vince's office, taking my time. There was something special about being in the arena early, before all the noise, all the craziness took over in the hours leading up to going live. It was peaceful, almost surreal to a point. I found Vince's office and got my match assignment for the night as he welcomed me back.

After I left Vince's office I made my way down to the diva's locker room to drop off my stuff before heading down to the gym. I made my way into the room, walked toward my locker then froze to the floor when I saw the gorgeous arrangement of blue orchids, my favorite flower, sitting on the bench in front of my locker. I stared at them for a minute before walking over and picking up the envelope attached to them. There was nothing but my name printed on the outside and I didn't recognize the handwriting so I flipped the envelope over and pulled out the card within.

_"Saw these and thought of you...they'll still never be as beautiful as you..."  
_  
There was no signature on the card and I began wondering who would have sent them. I tucked the card away and looked back at the flowers again, fingering the petals lightly. I figured they were probably from Kelly since she was one of the few people who knew they were my favorite flower and set them on the shelf of my locker, making a mental note to thank her later for them, then changed and headed down to the gym.

Two hours later, I walked back into the locker room to see Kelly, Natalya and Alicia all hovering over the flowers in my locker. They looked up as I walked over, shock on all of their faces.

"What's that look for?" I questioned, settling myself on the bench across from them and pulling my legs up in front of me.

"Oh nothing. You're just not going to tell us who they're from then?" Nat stated, her hands on her hips.

"Why don't you ask Kelly? I'm sure she knows." I teased, resting my chin on my knees and grinning at her mischievously.

"Wait, what do you mean ask me? I have no idea how they got here Reilly. I had nothing to do with it. That's why we were all standing here, we were waiting to find out from you who they were from.

"You mean, you didn't send them?" I stammered. "I thought you...wait, you know they're my favorite Kel. So if it wasn't you then who..." I was confused again, a feeling I was starting to get used to lately.

"Reilly I swear, I have no idea how they got here. I know they're your favorite but I promise I had nothing to do with this." Kelly said, coming over and sitting next to me. " I can make a guess though." She whispered, just loud enough for her and I to hear.

"Yeah right." I answered, pulling my legs tighter into my chest. I stared at the flowers, my mind running a thousand miles a minute, wondering if Kelly could be right.

The girls left a few minutes later, wanting to get a small workout in themselves before the gym filled up with all the boys. I stretched myself out on the floor, wanting to keep my muscles from tightening up on me. I crossed my right leg over my left and shifted my hips over to the left so that the bottom half of my body was contorted sideways. My arms were straight out at my side and I closed my eyes, focusing my breathing and enjoying the deep pull in my lower back when I heard a knock at the locker room door and then it opened slowly. I figured it was one of the girls, coming back to get something they forgot and kept my eyes closed, focused on the tension leaving my body...until I heard the voice.

"Ya know, I'll never understand how that's comfortable in any way." The voice teased and my eyes flew open. I turned my head slightly and saw John standing there over me, his arms crossed over his chest and a smirk on his face.

"Don't you wait to be invited before you just come waltzing into a women's locker room?" I retorted, turning my face back to the ceiling, trying to keep my composure.

"Usually yeah, but when there' s no answer then it's free game." John said. I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he walked around me and towards my locker, leaning down to look at the orchids sitting on the shelf. A small smile crossed his face before he turned back to me and it disappeared. It wasn't much but it was enough for me to realize the obvious. How had I not figured it out before...

"Wait, it was you?" I challenged. I uncrossed my legs and half sat up, leaning back on my elbows and staring at him in disbelief.

"What was me?" John wondered out loud, sitting on the bench next to me, a tiny sparkle crossing those gorgeous blue eyes.

"You sent me those flowers?" I asked. My mind was racing a mile a minute and I felt flushed. Why would John send me such gorgeous flowers? And what about the note?

"I have no idea what you're talking about," He teased, looking away from me as a smile crossed his features again.

"You know you've never been able to lie to me John." I responded. "You sent them didn't you?"

"Would it make you feel better if I said yes?" He wondered aloud, looking back at me again.

"Not really, no because then I'd wonder why." My heart was still racing so i pushed myself to a seated position.

"Ok then, yes I did send them. Better now?" John joked and I kicked his leg playfully when he shot me a childish grin.

"Fine, I'm not even going to ask why so you don't think you get the satisfaction of torturing me anymore." I said, crossing my arms in front of me.

"You know how much I LOVE torturing you, Ms. Reilly." He called me Ms. again, I hated that and kicked him again. He smiled and held out his hand to me. I took it and he pulled me up off the floor and onto the bench next to him. I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders and didn't move away. I was tired of fighting with myself over how much I cared about this man. I had missed him like crazy and what had happened at Wrestlemania was in the back of my mind at the moment. I leaned my head on his shoulder as he continued, "how are you feeling?"

"Better. This past month felt like a year though. I started wondering if I'd ever make it back." My voice was soft, my heart was slowing down and I realized just how much John's presence had an effect on me.

"I missed you Reilly." John whispered, and I turned my head slightly so that I could see his face. He was staring down at me, a serious expression in those pool blue eyes of his. "It's not the same around here without you to come talk to..." He cut off, as if struggling to find the words to say what he wanted but kept his eyes locked on mine.

I sighed and whispered, "I missed you too, but I understand John. Kelly told me why you were keeping your distance and I'm not upset with you, I promise. I would have told you to do the same thing in order to keep Liz happy, you know that." I reached for his hand again and intertwined my fingers in his, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

"I hated it, Reilly. I hated staying away from you, but I didn't want you to get hurt. I didn't want you to feel as if things between Liz and I were your fault so I decided I had to..."

"Wait what do you mean, things between you and Liz? What's happened between you two?" I cut him off, lifting my head from his shoulder so I could see him more easily.

The look on his face instantly told me that he had said more than he wanted to but I pushed anyway. "John, what's going on? I want the truth." I felt my face flush and in my mind started telling me I was going to find out things I'd rather not know.

John sighed and let go of my hand, running his hands down his face. I pushed away from him enough to turn so that I was sitting sideways on the bench, one leg on either side so I was completely facing him. "Ok look. You deserve to know but Reilly, you've got to understand that what's happening has nothing to do with you ok? It's between Liz and I and I don't want to feel in anyway that you're the cause of this."

I started to worry when I heard that and crossed my arms in front of me, waiting for him to continue. I was afraid to say anything, afraid to jump to any conclusions.

John took a deep breath and continued, "Reilly, Liz and I are getting a divorce."

I gasped when I heard the words slip from his mouth, my hand flying to cover my mouth. I couldn't believe what he had just told me. How had it happened? Hadn't he kept his distance from me to keep something like this from happening? I managed to gather my thoughts and whispered, "How? What happened?"

John turned toward me so that he was sitting the same way on the bench,facing me and took my hands in his again. "We just didn't get along anymore Reilly. We fought about everything, I was never home enough for her. It was falling apart faster than we could put it back together and I just decided it wasn't worth it anymore..."

I shook my head, looking down at the bench between us. I couldn't believe that things had been that bad in his marriage and John had never told me. I had made him promise me years ago that if things ever got that bad that he would let me know so I could walk away. I immediately felt helpless, as if their marriage falling apart had something to do with my friendship with John and I was mad at him for not telling me sooner. I pulled my hands from his and buried my face in them, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Reilly, say something, please. You've got to understand that it wasn't because of you..." John stammered. His voice was cracking but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"If it wasn't because of me then you should have had no problem telling me sooner." I whispered. I was so angry at this point that I refused to look at him. "You promised me that if something ever started going wrong between you two that you would let me know...and you didn't. How do you know that that wouldn't have fixed everything John?"

"Reilly, it was more complicated than that. I couldn't just tell you, and ask you to walk away. It wasn't because of you and there are things about me that you just don't understand. There are things I could never tell you because I didn't WANT you to walk away, that's why I kept quiet when it came to Liz and I..." His hand came up under my chin as if to lift it to get me to look at him but i pulled my head away, shaking the tears away again.

"You need to go."My words were barely audible.

"What?" John questioned. "Reilly give me a chance to explain..."

" Please just go...I can't do this anymore John. You're marriage is falling apart and you couldn't even have the decency to tell me...Please go." I begged. I wanted him to leave before I couldn't hold the tears back any longer.

John sighed a long, slow sigh and then stood and took a step toward the door. He turned back toward me momentarily and said, "I wish I could tell you the truth Reilly, but it scares me. Maybe if I was stronger then things would make more sense. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to keep from hurting you."

I kept silent and he stood there for a minute longer before turning and walking out the door. I heard the soft click as it closed behind him and opened my eyes, glancing around the lockerroom. I grabbed my shower bag and headed into the back shower room. I undressed, turned the spray up as hot as I could stand it and then sank to the floor. I couldn't hold it in any longer and fell apart. I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them as the spray of the shower washed my tears down the drain.


	3. Resolve

**Chapter 3 (Resolve)**

**Later That Night...**

_-Reilly-_

I left the arena as soon as my match was over that night. I had just gotten back to work and already wanted to be nowhere near it. I hated myself for getting mad at John and the more I thought about it, the more I realized how stupid I was. I had fought with him and blamed him for protecting me? Seriously? What was wrong with me? I couldn't handle the possibility of running into him again and, after grabbing my flowers and my gym bag, made my way out to my rental car.

Once inside the car, I leaned back against the seat and closed my eyes, willing the tears to not fall again. I hated myself for acting so completely stupid around John after not talking to him for almost two years. I felt horrible that his marriage was falling apart and now when he probably needed somebody to be there for him, I had pushed him away, blinded by my own self-righteous guilt. I pounded my fists against the steering wheel, cursing myself for acting like a teenager in front of him again. I realized there was no chance of him ever finding out my true feelings for him now, after I had pushed him away yet again. I wouldn't be surprised if he stayed away from me for good this time.

I drove out of the parking lot and back toward the hotel, stopping at a McDonald's drive-thru on my way(healthy, yeah I know.) Reaching the hotel, I climbed out of the car, grabbed my food, the flowers, and my bag from the backseat and entered through a side door. I skipped the elevator entirely, opting to work out my frustration on the stairs. Five floors later, I made it to my room, managed to unlock the door, and then kicked it shut behind me. I threw my bag onto the floor, set the food on the table and the flowers on top of the dresser and collapsed face down onto the bed, unable to hold back the tears any longer. The sobs tore through my body, making every part of me ache uncontrollably. I shoved my face into the bed pillow, screaming at myself for being so completely insane when I had finally realized the truth about how I felt about John. I cried until the tears ran dry and I was exhausted and let myself slip into a fitful sleep.

I woke a few hours later, unsure of the time or even what day it was. My eyes were puffy and my head was killing me as I sat up and looked around the room. I saw the untouched McDonald's bag on the table and my stomach felt sick at the sight of it. I leaned forward and rested my arms on my knees, my head on my arms as I stared at my reflection in the mirror across from the bed. My hair was everywhere, my eyes a mix of red and black from the mess of mascara and puffiness from crying. I ran a hand through my hair, cursing myself under my breath. I stared at the electric blue flowers on the dresser, mesmerized by them no matter how many times I looked at them. Glancing over at the clock on the nightstand I realized it was 1:00 a.m. and I was no longer tired but what the hell was I supposed to do with myself now? I walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. Washing off the makeup, I pulled my hair up into a messy bun, slipped on a pair of flip-flops and headed out the door. I didn't know where I was headed but anything was better than staying locked in my room with my thoughts...

_-John-  
_  
That night, I probably put out one of the worst matches of my career. I knew Stephen (Sheamus) could tell I was out of it during our match but he said nothing. Afterwards, I grabbed my stuff out of the locker room without bothering to change and headed to the parking lot. I threw my stuff in the back of the rental and climbed in, unsure of where I was headed. I didn't want to go back to the hotel, refusing to just sit on my ass in my room and let my mind take over.

I drove aimlessly, not really paying attention to where I was turning or how far I was driving, and in Dallas, that's not always a great idea, it's easy to get lost, but I didn't care. I didn't understand how things had gone so horribly wrong. I had finally made up my mind that I was tired of holding Reilly at arms length, tired of fighting the fact that Liz and I just weren't working anymore. In the weeks leading up to Reilly coming back to work I had finally told myself that I was going to let go of everything that was holding me back from telling Reilly the truth. I didn't want to live without her in my life, whether that meant as friends or as something else, I didn't care. I needed to know that Reilly knew everything and the only way for her to do that was for me to man up and tell her. That woman meant absolutely everything to me and I was tired of pushing back the feelings I held for her. Regardless of how she felt, whether she returned my love or not, I needed her to know. I didn't know if she would feel the same way or not but as long as I was finally able to tell her I was in love with her it didn't matter. I would be willing to be nothing more than friends if that's all she wanted as long as I knew in my heart that I had done everything I could by telling her.

I drove until my eyes were tired of staring at the road, realizing I was on a country road somewhere and pulled over to the side of the road. I was going to need the gps to get me back to the hotel but I didn't care at that moment. I shut off the car and climbed out, walking around to the front and resting on the bumper, my arms propped up on the hood. I gazed up at the clear night sky, watching the stars sparkle in the stillness. It was peaceful, quiet except for the sound of the crickets in the field. I sighed a deep, ragged sigh, shaking my head.

'Who am I kidding?' I questioned myself. Reilly was horribly upset with me and all I could think about was how to make it better. I still wanted her to know, still needed her to know just how deep my feelings were for her and I had thought that would be enough, even if she didn't return the sentiment, but sitting there, staring into the night sky I realized something so important it would change my entire course of action as far as Reilly and I were concerned.

I was going to tell her, make her understand just how deeply I cared about her and even if she didn't feel the same way, it wasn't going to stop me anymore. I had put her off for so long, put US off for so long and I was tired of it. I was going to fight for this woman, to make her understand with every fiber of my being just how much I loved her and wanted to be with her. I didn't care if it took forever, I'd wait that longI if it meant being able to have her. She had finally become in reality what she had been in my mind and heart all along and that was the most important person in the world to me...

I knew I had my work cut out for me, but I was resolved at this point. I climbed back into the car, a completely clear head, my intentions set. I was prepared to do everything in my power to get Reilly to truly understand.

'From here on out, Reilly I swear to you, everything is going to be different. I swore years ago that I would never hurt you and I've messed that up, I know that now. But even if it takes me forever I will fix it and I will love you with everything I have.'

My mind was racing as I made my way back into town. It was going to take some time, I knew, but I was going to come up with some way for her to really understand just how much I needed her, wanted her with me. I made it back to the hotel, relaxed and smiling for the first time in almost 2 years. It wasn't going to be instantaneous, I knew that but that was okay with me. I took a shower, changed into some basketball shorts and laid in bed staring at the ceiling, thoughts of Reilly dancing through my mind.  
I fell asleep that night, smiling...


	4. Letting Go

**Chapter 4 (Letting Go)**

**The Next Morning...**

_-Reilly-_

I stood under the spray of the shower, letting the hot water course over my exhausted muscles. After walking the halls of the hotel for what felt like hours the night before, I had made myself fall back into a fitful, restless sleep but felt even more wiped out this morning. We were staying in Dallas today but we didn't have a show until the following day so I was trying to decide what to do with myself all day. Kelly had meetings and Phil was flying out early to go meet some people so I was on my own. I could probably have met up with Nat or someone else but I figured with the mindset I was in, it was better for everyone if I just stayed on my own today.

After finally leaving the shower, I decided to go spend the morning at the pool. I threw on my bikini, [polyvore] , and headed out the door. Once at the pool, I found a spot with plenty of sun, stretched myself out on a lounge chair and closed my eyes. I wanted, needed to relax and since we were in Dallas and there was no beach, this was the next best thing. There was always something about being outside, near water that seemed to calm me. I missed my house in Daytona Beach terribly and couldn't wait to get back to my beach. I sighed, bathing in the sun and stretched my arms above my head. I was determined to forget about what had gone on yesterday and I felt relaxing was the best way to do it.

A few hours and a nice tan later, I headed back up to my room to get cleaned up for the rest of the day. As the elevator doors opened, I stepped out and noticed someone sitting on the floor in front of my door. I took a deep breath, recognizing him instantly, and immediately felt over exposed walking down the hall toward him in nothing but a bikini. My pace slowed, my mind screaming at me again but I walked up to where John sat, watching him the entire time. He didn't look up at me until I was standing in front of him. He was looking down at my feet and I could feel his eyes boring into me as they scanned all the way up my body until they locked on mine and he flashed me a huge smile. I was immediately taken back. Shouldn't he be completely upset with me after I got so angry yesterday? Why was he even sitting here?

"Before you even ask, no I'm not upset with you and yes I have been sitting here for the past hour waiting for you to get back." John stated, not moving himself from in front of my door.

"Ok, then I'll ask a different question. Why are you here John?" I wondered, breaking eye contact and looking down at my feet. There was something about looking into his eyes that made me shiver all over.

" I need to talk to you Reilly. There's something I need you to know and I don't care if you don't want to talk right now, I'll sit here outside your door until you do." He said, crossing his arms in front of him as if to prove a point. He knew I'd never be able to move him out of the way.

"Well, are you going to let me into my room?" I questioned, looking into his eyes again. He'd never stopped looking at me so when I looked up this time, there was no looking away.

"Only if we can talk." John answered. He had a smirk on his face, knowing he was going to win. I knew I couldn't say no to him and a huge part of me didn't even want to.  
"You know I wouldn't make you sit out here. That and it would be really annoying having to move around you to get in and out of my room all the time." I teased as I squeezed around him and pushed my way to the door to unlock it. I slid the key card in, swung the door open and stepped inside, holding the door open for him.

He pushed himself up off the floor and walked past the door, mumbling something about being bossy under his breath and I smacked his arm as he walked past me. He turned and gave me that little boy smile as he walked over and plopped himself down on the one bed. I walked past him to my closet, searching for something else to put on. I felt so conscious of the way I looked when he was around, a feeling that took me back to all the bad emotions of my high school years.

I pulled out a skirt and white tank top and turned toward the bathroom when John spoke up. "Why do you need to change?"

"Um...because I'm walking around in a bikini and I'm sure that's not something you feel like looking at." I answered, turning toward him.

"Reilly, you still don't get it do you? You still don't see yourself the way I do...the way most of the guys in this company do. You are beautiful and I wish you could understand that. You look amazing. Now quit worrying and come here and talk to me." John stated, patting the empty space on the bed next to him.

I sighed, looked down at the clothes in my hand and then over at John. He was right to a point. I had spent years worrying about how I looked to everyone else but when I took this job I swore to myself that the only person's opinion that was going to matter to me was my own. So why was I still so out of sorts when it came to John? Oh yeah, I remember...it's because I was falling for him and didn't want him thinking I was some kind of slob. He just gazed at me as I stood there, patiently waiting for me. I took a deep breath, set the clothes on the table next to me and walked over to the couch across from John. I sat myself down in the middle of the couch, curling my legs up under me and crossing my arms in my lap.

When he saw I wasn't going to sit by him he huffed loudly then stood and walked over to the couch. He stood in front of me as I looked up at him, an evil sparkle crossing his eyes. I shrank back into the cushions slightly, wondering what he was up to. He tilted his head to the side as he stood there analyzing me with his eyes, hands on his hips.

"Don't think it's that easy anymore Ms. Reilly. You're not getting away from me again,"he stated.

"What are you talking about Cena?" I retorted. He hated being called by his last name as much as I hated being call Ms.

"What I mean is you and I are going to talk and figure this out, no matter how long it takes us. There's a lot I have to say and I need you to listen."

John's voice was quiet and husky, his eyes smoldering and even deeper blue in color.

"It's talking that got us into all these arguments in the first place John. I just don't know what else either of us can say that would...YIKES! What are you doing?" I squealed as he bent down, placed his hands gently on my hips and lifted me right up off the couch and into his arms.

He expertly moved his hands under my legs to hold me in place and spun himself around before settling himself on the couch where I had been sitting seconds before. His hands slid around to my back and locked themselves together, keeping me where I was, straddling his lap,one leg on either side of his, no more than a few inches of space between us. I pushed against his chest, trying to break the hold his arms had on me but it was useless. He had a good 140lb. on me and I knew I wasn't going anywhere.

John chuckled as he watched my feeble attempt at escaping, his arms slipping tighter around my waist. I sighed and smacked his chest lightly, leaving my hand rest at the point of impact. I was immediately comfortable and it was strange to me. I wasn't used to feeling so relaxed, so sure in any man's arms. "Are you always this pushy?" I wondered, more to myself than to him. I tore my eyes from his chest to find that same deep pool blue boring into me again, John's face dangerously close to mine.

"Only when it's something I feel passionately about." His words were incredibly hushed, almost breathless and I could feel every ounce of emotion behind them. "Reilly, I'm sorry. Sorry I didn't tell you about Liz and I sooner but I couldn't..." He sighed, as if struggling to say something. " I couldn't tell you because I couldn't bear to watch you walk away from me. Call me selfish, I don't care. I'll be the first to admit that when it comes to you, I want to be as selfish as possible. It was easier for me to keep you at arms length, where I could still see you, than it would have been to tell you the issues that Liz and I were having and watch you have to make the choice of whether or not to walk away. I know I should have told you Reilly, I get that but...I didn't want to hurt you. And holding you away me was the lesser of two evils to me I guess." John stopped and took a slow, ragged breath in.

"John, I don't know what to say. You're marriage is falling apart and you're asking me to be ok with the fact that you didn't tell me because you were worried about losing me when you should have been more worried about losing your wife. I just, I don't understand how you can sit here and not hate me for causing so many issues between the two of you." I shook my head. I wanted to tear my eyes away from his but I felt powerless.

"Reilly, it was beyond saving, beyond fixing and when I realized that, I decided that even if I couldn't stop that from slipping away then I would do everything I could to keep this," he squeezed his arms tighter around me in emphasis, "from slipping away from me too. I refused to lose everything Reilly, you know I don't give up without a fight, and when I knew I couldn't win that fight, I put my efforts into the one I had left...the one I refused to lose..." I felt his hands unclasp themselves and run up my back, pulling me closer to him. He leaned his head toward me and our foreheads met, silence filling the room.

I closed my eyes, relishing in the feeling of his hands on me. I felt safe...whole.

'I'm finally where I've wanted to be for so long.' I thought to myself. 'I should just tell him everything, tell him how much I really feel for him...but his divorce isn't even final.' I shocked myself at my sudden turn of thought. 'I don't even know how long it's been since they've been separated! How can I sit here and even imagine telling him I have feelings for him?' I was yelling at myself now and I could feel the tears well up in my eyes because of how torn I was. I pushed away from John, using all the force I had to stand up and walk over to the balcony, my back to him so he couldn't see the tears taking over.

"Reilly, please...just listen.." John started, moving to stand from the couch.

"No John, you listen!" I spun around to face him, anger taking over. I didn't mean to yell but the emotions had flooded out. I was falling apart again and couldn't keep it in anymore. "We can't sit here and pretend like nothing is going on John. You're in the middle of a divorce for god's sake! A divorce that I knew nothing about until yesterday and now you're sitting here, asking me to not worry about it...asking me to understand that you held that information from me because you didn't want to hurt me! You're still technically married John...there's no line here and there has GOT to be a line!" I threw my hands up in frustration and turned back to the balcony.

He was across the room and in front of me in two seconds. I felt his hands on my arms and turned my head away, refusing to look at him.

"Reilly look at me." Even John's voice was raised now.

I shook my head furiously, refusing to give in, refusing to let him see my tears. I stared out the door, my arms held to my side's by John's hands.

"Damn it Reilly! Look at me!" He shook me by my arms, not enough to hurt but enough to make me look up at him in surprise. I blinked away the tears and stared up at him, anger, frustration, love...all the emotions I couldn't seem to handle anymore spilling out in tears down my cheeks. "Don't you get it?" He was still yelling. " There is NO LINE when it comes to you Reilly, there never has been! I would give up everything for you Reilly...I would walk away and never look back if you asked me to. You are everything in this world to me and I'll be damned if I'm going to lose you again!" He broke down at that point, his grip on my arms loosening. I stared up at him and realized there were tears in those huge blue eyes. John had never been a crier, he had told me that him cry became the reason that my walls came crumbling down at that very moment.I realized that the tears coming from him were more confirmation than I would ever get elsewhere that what he had just said was the truth.

John let me go, sighing hard and wiping the tears from his eyes. He walked over and sat, defeated on the bed. I couldn't move at first, just stood there and watched him from the door. He held his head in his hands and I could hear the shaky breaths rake through his body in the otherwise silent room. I glanced out the window, fighting myself.  
'It's time to let go...it's ok. You love him and there's nothing wrong with that. You don't need to tell him right now, but if you let him leave you'll never get the chance.'

I turned to look at John again, who hadn't moved. I chewed on my lip, clenched my hands and took a deep, tested breath in. I held it for just a second before letting it out slowly. As I breathed out, I felt all the hesitation, all the questions leave my body. This time was different, this time I was ready and I needed him to feel everything I felt.

I walked over to where John was sitting and lifted his head gently from his hands to face me. My hand traced his jawline as I slid myself back onto his lap in the same position we had been before. A questioning look spread across his face and his lips parted as he went to speak. I cut him off, placing one finger gently on his lips and shaking my head. I leaned my forehead against his and his arms slipped immediately around me, tighter than ever before, determined to not let me out this time. I felt his arms slide up my back, pulling me tighter to him and I slipped my arms around his neck, my hands interlocking around the back of his head.

"What do you want from me John?" I questioned. I stared into those eyes of his that felt as if they were looking into my soul, not pulling my forehead from his.

"I want you Reilly..that's all it's ever been. You're all I've ever wanted." His words were pleading, searching for some sort of answer.  
One last deep breath, one final reassurance that I wanted this just as much as he seemed to and in that moment, I let go of everything that had ever held me back...

"I want you too." Four little words and my heart skipped. I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck, wanting to be as close to him as possible. He looked down at me with questioning eyes, searching for a sign that he had really just heard what he wanted to hear. A small nod was all I could manage as the tears began flowing down my cheeks and he gasped in surprise, pulling me flat up against him. Our eyes seared into each other, all the emotion in both of us coming out in that moment.

There were no words, nothing else needed to be said at that point in time. His arms left my sides and he took my face in his hands, softly, carefully. His eyes were almost black, smoldering with so much emotion that all I wanted to feel were his lips on mine. He leaned in,and then stopped, hesitant.

I was breathless, my body weak from fighting so long. I managed to get out, "John Felix Anthony Cena, I want you..."before I was cut off. His kiss was nothing like the first one we had shared. There was nothing careful, nothing reserved. It was want, need that took over this time and I kissed him back with everything I had in me, my hands playing in his short brown hair. We tore ourselves apart a minute later and he gazed at me, a huge smile on his face as he ran a finger gently across my lips. I smiled back at him and he pulled me back onto the bed with him, wrapping me in his arms. I nestled my head into his shoulder and wound my hands in his shirt, breathing him in. Closing my eyes, I smiled softly as I felt his hand run through my hair and he rested his head against mine. I didn't know where we went from here but at that moment...it didn't matter. We had each other, finally, and that was all we were focused on. The rest would sort itself out...we hoped.


	5. Whispers

**Chapter 5 (Whispers)**

Later That Day...

_-John-__  
_  
We laid on that bed for the next few hours and if you were to ask me, I could have spent the rest of my life there(between work of course). I hadn't told her I was in love with her yet but at that moment it didn't matter. Never had I expected, or imagined, that she would return my feelings but when she pulled herself into me and stared up at me with tears in her eyes, I started melting. When those words came out that she wanted me too...I fell apart. I couldn't think, couldn't speak. No woman in my history had ever made me fall apart. I had always been the tough guy, the guy who never showed any emotion, and now this woman had me wanting to spill everything. Try as I might, I couldn't grasp the idea of why I was wanting to share all my emotions with her, what power she had over me but it didn't matter.

I held her as close as possible as we laid there talking about anything and everything. Our voices were no more than whispers and the room was silent. Reilly had her hands curled into my shirt and her head rested in the crook of my arm. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her as we talked,wanting to memorize every inch of her. Her smell was intoxicating, a mix of coconut and vanilla from her sun lotion and I just couldn't seem to get enough.

"John," she said at one point, "if we're really going to get into this there are some things I think we need to figure out now, before we go too far."

"Anything." I replied, my hand playing with her hair tenderly.

"I want you, you know that." She started, pulling herself closer as she said it. "I want to be with you, but if you're in the middle of a divorce, I can just see it causing problems. So I don't know how great an idea it would be for us to push this when it could complicate..."

"Reilly, stop right there. I already told you that I'm not losing you again. I don't care what it takes. We will figure this out but I absolutely refuse to let you go, even temporarily." I shook my head, trying to remove even the thought of giving up where we were at that very moment.

She flashed her smile at me and brought her hand to my face, resting it on my cheek. "Calm down sparky, I didn't mean giving this up. Even if I did, I don't think I could manage to remove myself from this spot." She wiggled herself into me and then continued. "What I did mean though, was just taking this slow between us...not rushing anything. I don't want the fact that you and I are together all the time to create issues with your divorce John. From the sound of things, you're going to have a tough enough time as it is without this causing more stress on you. I want to be where you come to get away from the stress, not be a cause of it."

"Ok, so what are you suggesting?" I questioned.

"Just watching when, and how much we're together. I don't want to hide this or sneak around, don't get me wrong John. I just think we need to pace ourselves as far as how often we're with each other. Taking our time and making sure we go about things the right way will make sure that once everything else is over, you and I will have everything ahead of us to look forward to." Reilly whispered.

I looked down at her, her sapphire eyes huge and sparkling as she waited for me to answer. I felt myself falling into them again and instead of speaking, lifted her face and pressed my lips to hers in response. She was so soft, so utterly perfect, and I felt like I would die before ever getting enough of this woman.

She pulled away a minute later, her eyes still closed as she nuzzled her cheek against mine. "Ok," I said. "We'll take things slow...as long as it means I can still get moments like this once in awhile."

Her voice was raspy, her breath heavy as she answered, "Whenever you want."

I smiled and squeezed her close to me again. She rested her head against my chest for a minute until I realized I was starving and my stomach let her know it. I couldn't help but laugh as a giggle escaped her lips and she looked up at me again.

"Hungry are we Mr. Cena?" Reilly questioned.

"How did you guess?" I feigned innocent, like I had no idea how she knew.

"I'm just that good." She stated. She kissed me softly before slipping herself from my arms and standing from the bed. I watched her, her back to me as she stretched her arms above her head and I held my breath, making myself behave as my eyes scanned the curves of her figure. "And besides," Reilly continued walking over and picking up the clothes from the table she had set there hours before, "I'm starving." She turned and flashed me another thousand watt smile before walking into the bathroom and closing the door.

I turned over onto my back and rested my hands behind my head as I stared at the ceiling. I couldn't remember the last time I had smiled so much in such a short period of time. Thinking about the divorce, I just wanted it done, wanted it over so that I could give Reilly all my attention but deep down I knew it wasn't going to be easy. It was already getting messy and I hated knowing that I might be dragging Reilly through it with me but I knew I would do whatever I could to keep her out of most of it. The fact that after our WWE house show the following day I had to catch a flight to Florida for a meeting with the lawyers was killing me as well. I wasn't ready to leave Reilly, even for a day or two, now that she and I were finally this close but I realized, especially after what she had said, that a day or two apart wouldn't kill us. I knew she still needed her space, even if I didn't and was more than willing to give her whatever she needed.

She emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, fresh faced and beautiful without a trace of makeup on. She looked completely gorgeous and yet comfortable at the same time, another quality I loved about her. She could wear something like this, [polyvore] , and completely take my breath away without realizing it.

She stood in front of the mirror on the wall, running a hand through her hair and straightening her skirt as I stood and walked over to where she was. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on her shoulder. Her arms slipped around mine and we stood there staring at each other in the mirror. It was such a funny picture, seeing this tiny woman wrapped up in my arms but I loved it. She caught my gaze in the mirror and we just stared at each other, emotions transferring between us without any words ever being spoken.

"You have no idea how happy I am right now Reilly." I whispered, kissing her shoulder.

She spun herself around in my arms, hers slipping around my neck as she stood on her tiptoes and replied, "Oh I think I do," before reaching up and kissing me softly.I couldn't keep a soft growl from escaping my lips as we kissed, our lips fighting each other for more. I felt her hands play in the back of my hair and I scooped her up into my arms, her legs wrapping themselves around my waist. Reilly giggled against my mouth and I backed her up so she was against the wall, not wanting any extra space between us.

"John, we need to eat..." She said between kisses. "We wouldn't want you wasting away..." I knew she was teasing but a sigh escaped as my stomach agreed with her.

I reluctantly set her down a few minutes later, deciding the fresh air would be a good way for me to calm down. I knew she didn't want to rush things between us but damn, this woman was so intoxicating. She held my hand as we made our way down to the lobby but released it as we left the building and stepped into the sun. I wasn't going to let it bother me though. She was right about taking things one step at a time so as not to drum up more issues and cause this divorce to draw out any longer so I couldn't begrudge her that. Inside I knew that taking things slowly in front of everyone else would make our times alone that much more meaningful and that's what I wanted. Our personal relationship was everything to me now and I was willing to be as patient as I possibly could for her.


	6. In The Shadows

**Chapter 6 (In the Shadows)**

The Next Day**  
**  
_-Reilly-__  
_

John and I spent the rest of the day together and he walked me to my room when we got back to the hotel that night. A big part of me wanted to ask him to stay, just so I wouldn't have to say goodbye to him but I knew better. After all, I was the one who had suggested earlier in the day that we take it slow so as not to complicate his divorce any further. As it was, he had a meeting with the lawyers that he was leaving for directly after our house show.

The next morning, John and I agreed to find each other at the arena as we both had a fairly busy schedule for the day. I wanted to grab a workout and had an afternoon photo shoot and interview for the WWE website while John had various press dealings and a Make-A-Wish kid he was meeting. He was adorable telling me how excited he was to meet this little boy. It was enthralling to watch him get truly emotional about meeting these amazing kids, another quality I loved about him.

I arrived at the arena just after 9:00 a.m. and after dropping my things in the diva's locker room, headed down to the gym before the rest of the girls got there. I hadn't talked to Kelly since the day I got my flowers in the locker room and I'm sure once she found out what had transpired over the past two days, I'd hear it for not telling her sooner.

An hour and a half later, I left the gym and wound my way through the halls of the mostly empty arena, taking the long way back. I stopped and chatted with a few of the road crew who bustling around with carts and boxes full of set pieces before finally reaching the locker room. Seeing as it was still empty, I grabbed my towel and body wash and headed in to the showers. I turned the water up high and stood under the spray, letting it massage my achy muscles. As I stood there leaning into the water, my hand on the wall in front of me, I closed my eyes and thought about the insane turn of events that last couple days had taken. After Monday I was convinced that John had given up on he and I ever having any kind of relationship, friendship or not. And then yesterday...possibly one of the best days of my life. Realizing that John had felt the same thing for me that I had hid from him all along, realizing I wasn't alone...Even in my dreams I could never have imagined things working out the way they did. In a way, that fact scared me as much as it made me happy. Had things worked out too well? Shouldn't there have been something making it more difficult for us to be together? I was certainly not used to things being easy in my life and just being handed the fact that John and I had feelings for each other seemed almost too simple...

I shook my head abruptly, water flying everywhere. I didn't care if it was too easy. I'd take whatever I could when it came to John, even if that meant dealing with things as they happened. I wanted to be happy and for the first time in quite awhile, I felt as if I could be. I finished up in the shower, then wrapped a towel around myself and headed back into the locker room.

"OH MY GOD!" I screamed as I turned the corner toward my locker. John was sitting there on the bench in front of it, his legs stretched out in front of him and a huge smile on his face.

"Well, it's nice to see you too." He smirked and I shivered as I watched his gaze travel down and then back up my body.

"What are you doing in here?" I exclaimed, clutching at the towel as if my life depended on it.

"I figured I'd stop and see you before I headed to my next interview. And I have to say, I couldn't have picked a better time." John's smile was a mile wide as he stood from the bench and stepped toward me, his arms outstretched.

I sighed and gripped the towel tighter, stopping him from coming any closer with my other hand. "John Cena, I'm happy to see you too...now OUT!" I exclaimed, pushing him back towards the door.

"Awe...but Reilly..." John pouted, sticking his lips out in protest.

"This is NOT taking it slow Mr. Cena. Now go before the girls catch you in here. I'm sure Beth would have some choice words about that." I stood on my tip toes and kissed his cheek quickly before pushing him towards the door again. "I'll come find you in awhile, I promise. Now out!"

"Alright, alright..fine."He held up his hands in surrender as he turned and headed for the door. He stopped with his hand on the doorknob and turned back to me momentarily, "Promise you'll come find me?"

"Yes I promise, as soon as I'm done with my interview. Now get..." I shooed him out the door with my hand. He flashed me a smile and I couldn't help but shake my head and smile back at him as he left the room. He was like a little boy sometimes with that grin and I hated that one look could have me melted into a puddle on the floor.

I finished getting ready and, after having to spend an hour telling Kelly EVERYTHING that had happened the past two days, I headed out of the locker room to my interview. As I made my way down the hall, I heard voices coming through an open door and peeked inside to see John entertaining his Make-A-Wish kid. Leaning against the door frame, I stood there, arms crossed in front of me with my head tilted to the side, and watched John's face light up as he interacted with the young boy. There was something I couldn't put my finger on, something downright sexy about the way he put these kids before everything else. John had one of the biggest hearts and it showed everytime he met one of these special children.

He happened to glance up at the door and saw me standing there. A huge smile crossed his face and I just smiled back and left him to his passion. There was one thing I knew I could never compete with and that was John's Make-A-Wish family. And truth be told, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I finished my interview, which ran longer than I expected and then had to run back down the hall to get to my photo shoot on time. I knew I'd hear it from John later for not coming to find him, but also knew he'd understand. I ran into the the room, apologizing to Jennie, our wardrobe department head as I breezed by her and into the dressing room. I realized as I walked in that I had no idea what type of shoot this was going to be so my mouth fell open a little when I saw my outfits hanging across the back wall. I shook my head and slipped into the first one, [polyvore] , before making my way out to hair and makeup.

Once I was ready, I walked out to the shoot area, only to find John and a few of his closest friends all sitting there. They all whistled at me, all except for John who just stared. I felt his eyes follow me as I stepped in front of the cameras and willed myself to just focus on the photographer and not on any of the guys in the room. Along with John I had picked out Randy, Phil, Matt (Zack Ryder) and Stephen, along with the usual photog crew. The one man I didn't notice was standing in the back corner of the room, hands in his pockets, the shadows keeping him half hidden. If I had seen him standing there, I would have seen a well-built guy, about 6'3". He was tan with a great complexion and muscular frame. His hair was medium length, auburn in color and swept back from his face casually. He was new, a rookie in the company. He was also my abusive ex-boyfriend...


	7. It Can't Be

**Chapter 7 (It Can't Be)**

_-Reilly-_

John left straight for the airport after the house show that night, with a promise from me that I would be there to meet him at the airport in Minnesota Saturday night. I walked with him out to the back of the arena where a car was waiting to take him to the airport, standing a few feet back as he loaded his bags into the trunk. He closed the trunk and turned toward me, his arms outstretched. I smiled and walked straight into them, fighting back the tears that were already threatening to fall. He held me tightly to him, one hand resting on the back of my head as I breathed in the smell of him, wanting to remember as much as possible while he was gone.

"I miss you already." John whispered,his lips moving softly against my forehead.

"I miss you too, but you know this is something you need to do." I answered. I looked up at him, his eyes searching mine for something...what it was, I wasn't sure.

"Reilly, look. When you and I were talking about everything yesterday, there was something I wanted to say...something I didn't get out and I feel like it's something you need to know..." John's eyes were smoldering again, floods of emotion coming out of them and I knew if I didn't get him in the car now I might not let him leave.

"John, you need to go. You don't want to miss your flight." The words stung as they spilled from my mouth. I hated having to let him go already.

"But Reilly, you don't understand. I need you to know something, something that I've known for a long time but was too scared to ever tell you before..."

"We have plenty of time for that but if you miss your plane now I'll feel horrible. We'll talk when you get back, I promise." I stated, pulling myself away from him and backing up a step.

John sighed and surrendered, knowing missing his flight would only complicate things even further. He opened the back door to the car and took one step in...

"John wait..." I started. He turned back toward me and I stepped toward him. There was still about 5 feet of space between us as we stood there, each waiting for the other to speak. I shook my head softly and as the tears started flowing, I realized just how deeply in love with this man I was. I had to say goodbye to him for a few days and it was literally tearing me apart. He saw the tears in my eyes and without a word, crossed the space between us in one step and scooped me up into the tightest hold he'd ever had on me. He held me so that we were at eye level with each other and I whispered, "I'm sorry...I'm such a baby for crying like this..."

"Don't." He cut me off. "Don 't ever think you need to apologize to me for crying Reilly. I get it, believe me. It's killing me knowing I'm leaving you, even if it's only for a few days. Now that I have you I'm terrified of losing you."

I put my hands on either side of his face and smiled softly, trying to reassure him."I'm not going anywhere John. You're not going to lose me. I will be there waiting for you at the airport Saturday night, I promise you. Just remember to show up."

"Reilly...I..." John started to say something else but I put a finger to his lips, knowing he really had to get to the airport.

"Sssh...I promise...Saturday night, ok?" I repeated.

John sighed and nodded his head, setting me lightly back on my feet. I stood on tip-toe and kissed him softly before scooting him back to the car. He climbed in and I stood and watched the car drive away until I could no longer see it then headed back inside the arena.

I made my way back down the hallway toward the diva's locker room but stopped when I rounded the corner and ran into the back of Randy. He spun around, smiling when he saw me and teased, "Don't you ever watch where you're walking?"

"Not usually, " I retorted, "don't you ever NOT stand in the middle of the hallway where people are walking?" I smacked him lightly on the arm before he wrapped it around my shoulders and pulled me around the corner.

"Come 'ere, there's someone I want you to meet." We turned back to the person he had been talking to before I had run into him and I froze immediately to the floor. The man looked up from his phone and flashed a huge bright white smile at me as I struggled to remind my brain to work again. I was staring my ex-boyfriend in the face and I couldn't react, couldn't move. What was he doing here?

"Reilly, this is Jesse and he's one of our newest rookies here in the company." Randy's voice brought me back to reality and I forced myself to refocus and act like I didn't care.

"Nice to meet you Reilly." Jesse stated, extending his hand out to me.

"Nice to meet you as well. " I forced out, fighting back nausea as I shook his outstretched hand. Even the touch of this disgusting excuse of a man made me ill and I wanted to get away as quickly as possible. I turned back to Randy and hurriedly stated, "Hey, I'll catch up with you later, I've gotta go grab my stuff out of the locker room," and then pushed past Jesse, doing my best not to make contact with him as I made my way down the hall.

Once inside the locker room, I collapsed against the closed door, chills taking over my body. What the hell was he doing here? Had I actually heard Randy right when he said Jesse was one of the newest ROOKIES in this company? I shivered at the thought, not knowing what in the world I was going to do if he really was part of this company now. After grabbing my bag and checking the hallway to make sure no one was there rushed to my rental and back to the hotel.

I locked myself in my room and contemplated calling Kelly but thought better of it. After ordering some room service, I sat on the bed, resting my head on my knees and tried to figure out how I was going to deal with this. I stared at myself in the mirror across from the bed...I wasn't the same person I was when I was with Jesse. I wasn't scared anymore, wasn't worried about the consequences. I had finally become the woman I needed to be all along and just because he showed up, I wasn't going to let anything change that. It didn't matter whether we worked together or not, I was not about to turn back into what I fought so hard to get rid of. I would work with him if I had to, not letting what had happened in the past affect my performance.

Now, it was going to become more about making him realize what he had given up, what he had hurt than it was feeling bad about the past. I would hold my head high and no longer let him have any power over me. Whether or not to tell John...that was a different story entirely...

Two DaysLater...**  
**  
That Friday night, I drove into Minneapolis after spending the previous day and a half with my family in Illinois. I had had a talk with my mom about what had gone on between John and I the past week and I thought she would pass out, she was so excited. My parents had met him a few times before when they had come out to shows on the road, and he managed to win my mother over right away and she would always tell me it was only a matter of time before I finally admitted to myself how I felt about him. Somehow, she knew how much I cared about him even before I did.

The company wasn't actually required to be in town until Sunday afternoon but I decided to go early and spend some time relaxing and shopping. Kelly was coming up the next morning so that we could go to the Mall of America before I picked John up from the airport. I had talked to him on the phone the night before but without any mention of Jesse. I had come to the conclusion that I'd rather not tell John, knowing he would worry more than was necessary. I wanted to prove that I could handle myself as much for John as for my own sanity.

After getting into my room and emptying my clothes into yet another closet, I decided to go out for a run and explore the city a little. I changed into some running clothes, grabbed my room key and ipod and made my way out of the hotel and into the cool night air. Even for the middle of May, it was cool in Minnesota which made perfect running conditions. I ran without direction for the most part, not caring where I went, only paying enough attention to make sure I got back to the hotel. An hour later I reached the end of the block the hotel was on and slowed to a walk. I noticed a few people standing outside the front of the hotel talking but I ignored them and walked past, until someone put their hand on my arm. I pulled my earbuds out of my ear and turned to see who it was that had stopped me.

"I said, it's rude not to answer someone when they say hello to you." Jesse stated, his grip on my arm not loosening.

"Obviously," I started, holding up my ipod as an example, "I wasn't paying attention." I pulled my arm out of his grasp and looked toward the hotel doors, trying to hold in the anger I felt for the man in front of me.

"Wow, Reilly not paying attention? So what else is new?" He questioned sarcastically and I bit my tongue to keep from saying what I really felt.

"Don't start with me Jesse." My words like venom as they spilled from my mouth.

"Oh come on Reilly, don't be like that. Is that any way to talk to an old boyfriend you haven't seen in years?" Jesse wondered. He was testing me, trying to see just how far he could manage to push me and I refused to let him get to me. I noticed the people he had been talking to had disappeared and wanted to find a way to get back inside the hotel, around other people. I didn't trust him at all and even though I knew I could handle myself, I was less than half his size and knew I didn't stand a chance if he truly wanted to hurt me.

"You're lucky I'm even talking to you at all considering so maybe you should just leave me alone and be grateful for that..." I said and turned to walk toward the hotel front doors.

"Where do you think you're going? We should catch up Reilly...I've missed you. I just want to talk." Jesse grabbed my arm before I could get away and pulled me roughly back to him.

I spun around to face him, ripping my arm from his grasp yet again and stared up into his face. "You've missed me? Why is that Jesse? Couldn't find anyone else to walk all over and beat the crap out of? Yeah I'm sure you've missed me being your personal punching bag. I have nothing to say to you and I'm telling you right now, if you're working for this company fine but you'll be smart to stay the hell away from me." I turned back toward the hotel and took a step toward the door before his hands came down on my shoulders.

"Awe, what's the matter Reilly? Afraid your little boyfriend will get mad if he finds out about us?" His words pierced like needles through my heart and I spun around, livid.

"Don't you dare talk about him! He has nothing to do with this so leave him the hell alone!"I was right in his face as I spoke, wanting him to fully understand just how off limits my relationship with John was. My eyes burned into his, willing him to say anything else. After a minute of silence I turned toward the doors one last time.

"Where the hell do you think you're going? I said I wanted to talk to you!" Jesse exclaimed. I spun on my heel, ready to completely lose it...when I felt my cheek connect with the back of Jesse's hand. The impact sent me stumbling backwards toward the door and I grabbed the handle to steady myself with one hand while my other cradled my throbbing cheek. Jesse walked to where I was, leaned down and got right in my face as he whispered, "I'm telling you right now Reilly, you can make this a whole lot easier on yourself and everybody involved if you do what I say and quit fighting me. And I would suggest you get rid of your little 'boyfriend,'" he put air quotes around the word, " before something bad happens to him. You're still mine Reilly, you always have been and I will make sure it stays that way." He smirked at me and I felt the nausea sweep over me again as he patted my shoulder and pushed through the doors into the hotel.

I stood there with my hand on the door, my cheek still cradled until I could no longer see him and then looked around me. There was no one around, the street was empty...no one had seen anything. It was like he knew just where to confront me where the least number of people would be able to witness his temper. Shivering, I took a deep breath, steadied myself and pushed through the doors. I headed directly to the bank of elevators, pushing them all in hopes one of them would open quickly. Once inside, I pushed the button for my floor and leaned back against the wall, my eyes closed in a fight to keep the tears at bay.

I reached my floor and, after checking to make sure no one was around, ducked into the hallway and walked as quickly as I could to my room. As soon as I was safely locked in my room, the pain took over and I burst into tears. I grabbed some aspirin from my purse and after swallowing them without any water, stood in front of the mirror to analyze just what I would have to cover up in the morning.

The bruising was already starting to show through, just under my right eye and my cheek was slightly swollen but I knew from experience that would go down by morning. The bruising though, would be worse and I was secretly glad I had makeup that would be capable of masking most of it. Having to go shopping with Kelly early in the morning meant I had to do everything I could to keep this covered up. I would deal with this on my own, refusing to ask anyone for help. Hiding it from John would be the hardest thing of all but I had hid my bruises from the world when I was in a relationship with that monster before, so I would just do it again. I slipped out of my room long enough to grab some ice, then made myself an improvised ice-pack and laid down on the bed with it resting on my cheek.

I breathed in a deep, long breath and stared at the ceiling. I missed John now more than ever...


	8. Designs

**Chapter 8 (Designs)**

The Next Day...**  
**

_-John-__  
_  
I woke up early that Saturday morning, I couldn't help it. Knowing that I had to wait until later that afternoon to get on a plane to see Reilly again was killing me but I tried to be as patient as possible. The divorce hearing had gone slightly better than I had expected over the previous two days and I was optimistic that maybe, just maybe, this would work out more easily than I had imagined. When it came to Liz and I, I think we both realized we were kidding ourselves and were ready to move on with the rest of our lives. We would never forget what we had and the time we spent together, I mean, god, we had been together since high school, but we had both moved on and all I wished for was for her to be happy in whatever she decided to do now that she wasn't waiting around for me anymore.

After a quick morning run down the beach outside my house, I packed my bags, took a shower, then headed out to the local mall once it opened. I had gotten an idea the night before and hoped that I could manage to find what I had pictured. After a lot of scouring and walking back and forth through the entire mall, I managed to find what I was looking for. All I could do was hope Reilly liked it.

_-Reilly-_

Saturday morning and I was surprised I wasn't in more pain when I woke up. Looking myself over in the mirror as I stood in the bathroom, the swelling was gone and with it most of the pain. I guess I had gotten used to dealing with the pain after experiencing it for so long. The bruising was more evident and there was no way to make that go away, but after a careful half-hour make-up application, you couldn't even tell. That was another thing I had gotten pretty good at while stuck with Jesse, I knew how to hide things I didn't want the world to see.

I met Kelly at a Denny's for some breakfast when she got in town before we headed to the mall. We hadn't gotten a chance to really just hang out in awhile so we were both excited to spend the day together.

"So how's Stephen?" I teased as we wandered through one of the long mall hallways. Kelly and Stephen had been unofficially together for quite a while and she was head over heels for him.

"He's great. We actually haven't gotten much of a chance to spend time together these past two weeks with our schedules but we talk to each other every couple days." Kelly's smile was a mile wide as his name crossed her lips.

"Isn't it funny how we can work in the same company and yet not see these guys for days or weeks at a time?" I wondered aloud, stopping in front of the Guess store.

"Well ya know, some of us can handle more than two days without seeing our men..." Kelly teased and I rolled my eyes at her as we walked into the store.

"It's not that I can't handle it...its that I don't want to." I stuck my tongue out at her as we wandered through the racks of clothes.

"Sure, sure." Kelly retorted. "Well if you don't want to handle not seeing him then what are you wearing when you pick him up from the airport tonight?"

"Um...clothes most likely." I said, glancing up from a shelf full of adorable tank tops.

"Really? That's the effort you're going to put into it? Clothes? Good lord woman, you need help." Kelly shook her head and started glancing through the racks of clothes with a sudden purpose.

"Kel, does it really matter what I wear? I'm just picking him up from the airport." I turned toward her, hands on my hips.

"Maybe not to John because he'll love whatever you're wearing. I'm just saying, maybe you should have a little fun with it now that you both admitted your feelings for each other. Play dress up a little." Kelly's smile was huge as she started piling clothes into my arms.

I sighed, knowing there was no getting out of this. Kel loved playing dress up, whether it was for herself or dressing up someone else so into the dressing room I went, my arms full of different pieces.

Two hours and a trip to the Lucky and Steve Madden stores later, we left the mall, our arms lugging our massive amount of bags along with us.

"How is it that when I go shopping with you, I always end up with a lot more than I planned on actually getting?" I questioned as we threw our bags in the trunk of my rental and headed back to the hotel.

"Because, if it were up to you Reilly, you'd be in jeans and a sweat shirt all the time." Kelly said, playing with her phone as I drove.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with that." I responded. "John told me before that he doesn't care what I wear."

"Yeah, well what you wear matters to me so there!" Kelly teased. She leaned her head back against the headrest and turned toward me, a more serious look on her face. "So, all this talking that you and John did, what did you actually tell him?"

I took a deep breath, focused on the road, knowing what she was wanting to hear. "No, Kel, I haven't told him that I'm in love with him yet. I just...I didn't want to push it. He's still going through his divorce and the last thing I want to do is complicate things for him. The easier the divorce proceedings go, the quicker he and I can just focus on what we want from each other. I don't want to add more to what he already has to handle."

"Yeah, but Reilly, don't you think telling him might be a good thing? If he knows everything, if he's completely confident in how you feel about him, then he can look forward to what you two have after he's done with the whole divorce issue. It would be like you're giving him a reason, a purpose to get through it all." Kelly's words were quiet, reserved almost. "You're my best friend and you know I want what's best for you Reilly, and I do really think that John is what's best for you. The way he looks at you, it's as if you're the only thing in this world he sees anymore. I mean, I watch him when he's with you and you can just see it in his face...he'd give up everything for you if you asked him too and I think he'd be happy to do it. I've never seen as much emotion out of John in the years that I've known him as I've seen in the few times I see him look at you."

"Reallly?" I questioned. Had I missed the way he looked at me or was I just to busy looking at him to notice?

"Yes, really. You two don't see it because you're involved in it. Being on the outside, watching you two, I see it all the time. He's head over heels for you Reilly, he really is. Something in his eyes everytime he looks at you, it's as if he could stare at you forever and still not get enough. You never know. Telling him that you're in love with him might just open up things that he wants to say but is afraid to." Kelly said.

"I don't know Kel. I've got so much running through my head right now..I just..I really need to think things out." I answered. We pulled into the hotel parking lot and made our way inside with our mountain of bags.

Kelly came to my room in order to help me "dress up" as she put it. I gave in of course, letting her have her fun. What could it hurt, letting her beautify me?

An hour later, Kelly finished my hair although she got really confused when I insisted on doing my own make-up.

"You're letting me do everything else, why not just let me do your makeup too?" She wondered, plopping down on the bed.

"Kel, I swear, I can handle my make-up...I'll be out in a few minutes." I grabbed my make-up bag and locked myself in the bathroom. Once I set everything out, I stood and gazed at myself in the mirror. I hated hiding this from Kelly but I knew it was something she would take right to John and he was the last person I wanted to find out about how I managed to get a fist sized bruise below my eye. I cleaned my face, taking care to go gently around the bruise, which had gotten pretty tender, then reapplied my foundation and cover-up, managing to get done quicker than before.

I exited the bathroom a few minutes later to a skeptical Kelly sitting in front of the tv, switching channels aimlessly. She raised an eyebrow at me but stayed quiet, knowing if it was something I wanted to tell her I would.

"Wow." She stated, "I'm impressed."

"Just because I don't wear make-up all the time doesn't mean I don't know how to put it on." I replied, leaning toward the mirror to check the coverage in a different was a slight purplish undercast but it was only visible if you knew what to look for so I mentally crossed my fingers and hoped John would never notice.

"And you also did a great job covering up whatever you're trying to hide on your cheek." Kelly said simply.

I spun around in a flash, staring at her wide-eyed, wondering how she knew.

"I wear make-up ya know? I can tell when someone is trying to cover something up, I've done it plenty of times myself. What did you run into this time Reilly?" Kelly knew I had a tendency to be sort of clumsy.

I stood there dumbfounded for a minute that she had noticed but then snapped back to reality when she asked me what I had run into, realizing I could come up with a believable excuse in case anyone else happened to notice.

"I tripped over my dog at my parent's house...caught my face on the edge of the dresser...nice huh?" I lied, shaking my head and turning back to the mirror. I hated not telling Kelly the truth but I couldn't risk John catching on.

"Geez, Reilly I swear you beat yourself up more outside of the ring than you do in it." Kelly teased, completely unaware of the blatant lie I had just given her. She stood and walked over to the closet as she continued, "Anyway, here you need to head out soon don't you? Get in there and put this on so I can see my masterpiece!" She handed me the outfit she had put together and shoved me toward the bathroom. A few minutes later, I exited the bathroom, perching myself on the end of the bed so I could slip on my shoes. Once I was finished I stood and looked again at myself in the mirror. I had to admit, Kelly knew what she was doing...even in jeans, I felt beautiful... [polyvore] I smiled a little as I slipped on my jewelry and turned to face my designer.

"Well, well, well...she's even smiling. Told you I knew what I was doing." Kelly crossed over to me, fixing a few stray strands of hair before hugging me tightly. "He's going to lose it." She whispered.

I hugged her back, grabbed my purse and headed toward the door. "I'll let you know if he does." I called as I slipped out of the room and headed toward the lobby.


	9. Spoken Secrets

**Chapter 9 (Spoken Secrets)**

That Night...**  
**

_-Reilly-__  
_  
I sat in the airport as I waited for John's plane to come in, thinking about what Kelly had said. Maybe she was right? Maybe I should actually tell him I loved him. I mean, I had already told him everything else...what was keeping me from telling him the most important part of it? I think it had come to the point where I knew we felt the same way about each other but I still didn't want to rush things, I didn't want to scare him away by revealing too much too fast. And with him in the middle of a divorce, the less I complicated things, the better.

I was brought out of my thoughts by an announcement over the airport speakers...he was here. I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I made my way to his terminal, trying to keep myself from walking too quickly. We were out in public and I didn't want to create too much of an issue for the company with the two of us being seen together outside of work.

The loading doors opened and I watched the flood of people swarm out through them. I started to think maybe I was at the wrong terminal when the crowd started to thin until I saw John walk through the door. His eyes caught mine instantly and my heart skipped in my chest. He walked quickly toward me, stopping inches from my face when I put my hand to his chest. As much I wanted to feel his arms wrapped around me, I felt it was better to wait until we were in a place where it wasnt so crowded.

"I missed you so much." John words were only loud enough for me to hear them in the muddled noise of the airport.

"I missed you too." I mouthed the words, knowing he understood. John eye's broke their hold on me when he glanced down, taking a step back when he saw Kelly's creation. A shiver ran through my body as I felt the pool blue eyes travel down and then back up the length of my body and when his eyes caught mine again I couldn't believe how dark sapphire they had turned almost instantaneously.

"You're not helping me." John whispered as we turned and walked toward the baggage claim area.

"Not helping you with what? What did I do?" I questioned, worried that I had upset him somehow.

"Reilly, I get the fact that you don't want to rush things between us okay? And I understand watching how we behave in public so we don't cause issues on the company level but...really? I'm still just a guy Reilly! Wearing stuff like that...it doesn't help my will-power when you look so irresistible. I mean, you're always beautiful but accenting it likes this, all I want to do is..Damn!" John exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Really? I'm sorry. I didn't think it would be that bad..." I started to apologize, immediately feeling horrible.

"No, no no!" John exclaimed again. He grabbed my arm and stopped me in the middle of the hallway, pulling me right up against him. I stared up at him, trying to keep my composure, completely forgetting where we were as I felt myself melting into him again. "Stop apologizing. You are drop dead gorgeous and you're apologizing? That's not what I meant at all. It's taking absolutely everything I have in me right now to not scoop you up in my arms and kiss the breath right out of you. I want you to really understand just how much I need you. I want you and everything about you and I'm just asking you to understand that if I have a momentary lapse when it comes to behaving around you, it's only because thats how completely and utterly irresistible you are to me." His words were quiet, pointed and only for me. I stared up at him, my heart fluttering in my chest like a caged bird until I remembered where we were and shook the cobwebs out of my head as I turned and continued walking down the hall.

A few autographs and pictures later, we had grabbed our bags and made our way into the parking garage. We reached my rental and as John put his bags in the back I walked toward the driver side door until I felt an arm grab me and pull me backward. I gasped loudly, my brain returning to the night outside the hotel with Jesse, until I realized it was only John who had tugged me back to him. My breath was heavy as he pulled me into his arms and I laid my forehead against his chest, trying to calm myself down before he noticed.

"Hey, it's just me." John whispered, lifting my face so he could look at me.

"Sorry," I spoke, taking a slow, controlled breath in. " I must be tired today." I smiled, trying to move past the subject.

"Are you sure everything's ok?" John questioned, "I've never seen you that jumpy."

"I'm fine, I promise. You just caught me off guard is all." John ran his hand down my right cheek and I did everything I could to keep from wincing at the tenderness.

"Ok, as long as that's all it is. I didn't mean to scare you, just wanted to tell you something." Johns voice had gone quiet again and his arms snaked their way around my waist tightly.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" I wondered, smirking softly.

"Just that..." He cut himself off as he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. I kissed him quickly and then pushed him away, glancing around to see if anyone had been near us. He groaned softly and released me from his arms. "Ya know, eventually I'm going to be able to kiss you without having to give a damn about who sees us."

"I know, but now's not that time. You'll be fine, I promise." I joked softly, walking back to the drivers side door and sliding into the car.

We drove back to the hotel in relative silence, enjoying being back together, our hands laced together resting on the console between us. Once we arrived we grabbed John's stuff out of the back and made our way into the lobby. John checked in and I followed him to his room so he could unpack before we decided what to get for dinner.

As John moved about the room, I sat in the middle of the bed and texted Kelly three simple words..."He lost it. :) I knew she would know exactly what I meant and left it at that.

"What are you grinning at over there?" John wondered, looking up from his suitcase.

"Huh?" I glanced up from my phone. "Oh, nothing...just texting Kel." I tossed my phone to the side and stretched my arms above my head. He finished unloading his suitcase and tucked it into the closet before coming over and sitting on the edge of the bed next to me. Reaching over, he slipped his arms around me and pulled me quickly into his lap

"So, guess what?" John asked,tightening his arms around my waist and resting his forehead against mine.

"What?" I wondered. I closed my eyes and just breathed him in. He always smelled amazing and I made a mental note to eventually steal one of his shirts so I could have that smell around me when he was gone.

Without a word, he lifted my face and kissed me and in that kiss I could easily tell that he had missed me just as much as I had missed him the past couple of days. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my heart fluttering again. John's kiss was slow, un- hurried and I smiled in spite of myself, knowing he'd finally got what he wanted...he was able to kiss me without giving a damn who saw us. In the back of my mind, I thought again about what Kelly had said..maybe telling him I loved him wouldn't be such a bad thing after all.

"What's so funny?" John questioned, pulling far enough away to look down at me.

"You finally got what you wanted..." I teased, smacking his chest lightly with my hand.

"I know." He flashed me a child-like grin and kissed me quickly again. "Well, not exactly..." His expression immediately turned serious and he released his arms from around me and reached into his pocket. I looked down to see what he was doing, noticing his hand came back out of his pocket with something in it but his hands were so big, I couldn't begin to tell what it was.

I brought my head back to his face and was shocked by the display of emotion that spread through his eyes. I had seen John emotional before but this was different, there was something completely un-inhibited in his eyes this time, something had come to the surface and his eyes were sparkling pools of sapphire blue because of it.

"Do you remember Wednesday night when I left, I said there was something I needed to tell you? Something I had wanted to say the night before but couldn't get out?" John asked me, his hand running through my hair. I simply nodded my head and let him continue. I wasn't sure what to say.

"Well, you said we could talk about it tonight and I didn't really know how much good talking would do when it came to this, so I thought of a better way to hopefully make you understand just how serious I am about us." He reached down with his free hand to take hold of mine, then placed the hidden object in my palm and held it there, still covered with his hand. "Reilly please believe me when I tell you I want to give you everything. Even if it takes forever to get there, I promise I will be there for you, with you, no matter what." He removed his hand from the object and I broke eye contact, slowly looking down at what he had placed in my hand.

My heart began pounding so fast I thought it would leap right out of my chest as I gazed at the small black box resting in my open palm. My eyes flashed to John's, completely uncertain, questions spreading across my face. What exactly was he doing?

"I should have told you this when I told you how I felt about you but for some reason I felt there was something holding me back. I don't want to hold back anymore. I need you to know this. If you reject me for it then ok, but that still doesn't mean I'm giving up. I will fight forever if that's what it takes to be with you."John never broke eye contact with me as he spoke and I could tell how much he wanted, almost needed me to believe him.

I finally tore myself away from his stare and turned my attention back to the black box in my hand. With shaking hands, I slowly lifted the lid and inhaled sharply when I saw the contents. Inside the small velvet box lay a tiny gold dog tag charm on a sparkling gold chain. My eyes welled up with tears and I let out a slow controlled breath as I gently touched the small pendant, the tiny diamond in the bottom sparkling despite the low light of the hotel room.

"I wanted something that was solely from me, and I figured the dog tag idea just seemed to work." John whispered. I wanted to look at him but couldn't pull my eyes from the gorgeous necklace in front of me. The fact that the dog tag was representative of the ones he wore around his own neck everyday didn't escape me, only made it that much more incredible. I gently lifted the pendant to look at it more closely but it slipped from my fingers and that's when I caught a glimpse of some sort of engraving on the back. It fell back onto the box and I looked up at John, wondering if I had actually seen the engraving or it was just my imagination. He did nothing more than nod and I turned back to the box in my the pendant, I slowly flipped it over and read what had been engraved on the back. If I hadn't been wrapped in John's arms I probably would have slid to the floor and I couldn't keep the box from slipping from my hand and falling onto the comforter when I realized just what it said. Three simple words...the same three words I had gone back and forth about telling John...'_I Love You'...__  
_

I couldn't even think straight. The box was still sitting on the bed where it had slipped from my fingers and I stared down at my hand for what felt like forever before I came around and my head snapped up to look at John who was patiently waiting for me.

"I know...if I'm pushing things too fast I'm sorry. I'm willing to wait as long as it takes but I needed you to know. That's why I had it done on the back of the necklace, this way it was something only you and I had to know until you're comfortable with it. I just, I couldn't keep it in anymore. I am completely in love with you Reilly and I'm sorry if this upset you..."

I put my finger to his lips to cut him off, shaking my head furiously back and forth. The tears took over and spilled down my cheeks as I placed my hands on either side of his face and stared into his eyes. "John Felix Anthony Cena...I love you too." I whispered, smiling through the tears. I couldn't believe that the whole time I was fighting with myself, John had been doing the same thing.

The look of surprise on John's face caused me to giggle uncontrollably as I kissed him with everything I had. His arms went so tight around me it became hard to breath and I pulled away enough to be able to look at him again.

"Really?" John questioned, his eyes wide.

"Yes, really. I've been fighting with myself for the longest time about whether or not to tell you. We still need to be careful when we're out and about though, you realize that?" I hated to point it out but it was still the truth. His divorce was nowhere near final and I still refused to complicate it for him.

"I know, and I'm ok with that, I really am. I just can't believe this whole time...god, I love you." John said before he kissed me again. We stayed like that for a few minutes, the kisses soft and full of emotion before I heard a growl come from his stomach. I was so giddy, so completely overwhelmed I couldn't keep the giggles down and they slipped from my mouth, causing John to pull his lips from mine and bury his head in my shoulder, sighing loudly.

"Stupid stomach always ruins these moments." He joked and I patted his head, still giggling.

I reached down and picked up the fallen box from the bed, holding it out to John. He smiled and after removing it from the velvet, reached around and clasped it behind my neck. I glanced down, fingering it gently as I watched it sparkle against my skin before reaching up and kissing John once more.

Slipping from his lap, I stood and held my hand out to him.

"Let's get some food Mr. Cena." I stated.

John stood and slipped his arm around my shoulders as we headed toward the door. I went to open it but he stopped my hand on the knob and held it there. I looked up at him, a huge smile spread across his face as he spoke, "Things are only going to get better for us Reilly."

I stood on tip-toe, kissing him softly before murmuring..."I hope so."

We left the room and made our way down to the lobby and out into the cool night air. I was so ecstatically happy, I didn't even notice Jesse sitting in the corner of the lobby, watching us as we left...


	10. Giving In

**Chapter 10 (Giving In)**

Monday Night...**  
**

_-John-__  
_  
I couldn't think of a time in my life where I had been happier. I'll admit, getting married was a huge point, one I had imagined lasting forever, but this was something entirely different. I couldn't put my finger on it, didn't know how to describe it...All I did know was that I was in love with an amazing, incredible woman, and she loved me right back. Smiling to myself, I held Reilly's hand in my as I drove to the arena for RAW that night.

Once in the arena, I had to tear myself away from Reilly to get my pictures signed for the merch booth as well as meet my newest Make-A-Wish kid. I stopped into Vince's office on my way to the locker room to get my script for the night. I hadn't really had a true laid out story line lately and was eager to get involved in something concrete again.

"Afternoon boss." I breezed into the office, plopping myself down on the couch next to Vince's desk.

"John, glad you stopped by. You're just the person I wanted to see." He crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned back in his black executive chair. "You know we've got quite a few new rookies around here that we just pulled in, and I'm trying to figure out how to work them into the show."

"Just give them a shot Vince. Give them a match with someone and see how they do. You gave me that chance, let me take my match against Angle, and I owe you everything for that." I said. As I said it, I couldn't believe it had been ten years since Vince had given me that first chance.

"Well, I'm glad you think that John, since one of the rookies came to me asking for their one chance...specifically against you." Vince's tone turned serious as he clasped his hands on the desk in front of him.

"No problem boss. You know I'm willing, especially when it means giving another man the same chance I was given. I don't have to go easy on him though do I?" I questioned, wringing my hands at the thought of breaking in a newbie.

"John, it just wouldn't be a Cena match if I asked you to do that now would it?" Vince teased, smiling as he glanced through some papers in front of him.

"Not at all. Thanks Vince." I responded, standing and making my exit from the room.

I made my way down the hallway toward my locker room, humming as I went. Reaching the door, I pushed it open and took one step into the room before stopping, frozen to the floor. My eyes had fallen on my beautiful Reilly, curled up on a corner of the couch reading her script for the next few weeks. Her hair had fallen from behind her shoulder, half hiding her face so that all I could see were those sapphire eyes of hers. She didn't notice me at first and I just stood there watching her, noticing the little quirks that made me love her even more. Her fingers tapped themselves on the script as she read and she chewed on her bottom lip...Reilly was never one to just sit still and I couldn't help but chuckle softly.

Hearing me at the door, she glanced up quickly, her cheeks flushing when she caught me watching her. "Do you always creep on people like that?" She teased, setting her script down next to her and crossing her legs in front of her.

"Yup." I stated, walking over and scooping her up off the couch and into my arms. "Especially when they look like you." She smacked my arm as I plopped us both back down on the couch, tightening my arms around her waist so she couldn't escape. "I've got a match tonight." I said in a sing-songy type of voice.

"Oh really? And who's the poor unfortunate soul this time?" Reilly questioned, laying her head against my chest.

"Not sure." I answered, resting my chin on the top of her head and running my hand through her hair.

"How do you not know who you have a match against?" She wondered, looking up at me.

"I didn't catch his name. Vince said one of the rookies came to him and specifically asked for a match against me so..."

"NO!" Reilly exclaimed, cutting me off abruptly. "You can't do it John...tell Vince you changed your mind!" She flew up away from me and starting pacing back and forth across the room.

"Whoa, slow down Reilly. What the hell is going on?" I was incredibly taken back by the way she had just freaked out.

She stopped in front of me, running her hand through her hair and taking a deep breath before she continued. "I'm sorry John, I don't know what got into me. I guess I just worry about you going into a match where you know nothing about the other person or how they wrestle."

"Reilly, come here." I said, holding my arms out to her. She looked hesitant for a minute and scanned the room, as if deciding what to do before coming back to me and curling into my arms on my lap. She was shaking as I wrapped my arms around her and she buried her head in my chest. Whatever it was that had upset her was obviously really getting to her. "Have you ever known me to not be able to handle my business, no matter who I'm up against?"

Sighing, Reilly shook her head, knowing I was right. She had never worried about me this much before and I knew there was something else behind her worries but decided not to push it at the moment. "Wanna come down to my Make-A-Wish with me?" I asked, wanting to get her mind off of whatever it was that was eating at her.

"No, it's ok, go ahead. I'm gonna finish reading my script before I need to go start getting dressed for the night." Reilly answered, sliding off my lap onto the cushion next to me.

"You can always change here." I teased, standing from the couch and turning toward her.

"Out Cena..." Reilly threatened, pointing her finger toward the door and smiling. I leaned down and kissed her quickly before heading back out to the hallway. Something was bothering her and I just couldn't get it out of my mind.

_-Reilly-_

I hadn't wanted to freak out when John mentioned his match, I couldn't help it. As soon as he said that it was one of the rookies who had "specifically requested" his match to be against John, I knew it had to be Jesse. What worried me the most was that I knew what Jesse was like outside of the ring, not caring what, or who, he took his aggression out on, but I had no clue as to what he would be like in the ring. As John left the locker room, I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them in an attempt to keep the shaking at bay. I didn't want to believe that Jesse would actually follow through on his threats against John if I didn't leave him but I was getting proved wrong at every turn. Knowing what John was walking into was tearing me apart and as I thought about having to watch everything happen on a tv screen in the back of the arena, the tears came pouring down my cheeks. I wanted to run to John, to beg him not to go through with the match, even if it meant telling him everything but I knew telling him about Jesse would only give him more of a reason to take the match.

Collecting myself, I finished reading my script, trying to get excited by the fact that this storyline was leading into my second shot at the Diva's championship after my fall at Wrestlemania. Finishing, I wrote some notes on the back before checking the clock. It was 6:30 p.m., time for me to start getting ready for the night. I was supposed to come out in the middle of Alicia's match and disrupt her, causing her to lose her chance at the title Beth currently held.

Once inside the Diva's lockerroom, I washed my face and examined the now yellowing bruise in the mirror. The purple color had mostly disappeared and I hoped soon enough it would be completely gone so I wouldn't have to worry about hiding it. I redid my make-up, then curled my hair and piled it up into a high ponytail on top of my head, leaving a few small curls out to frame my face. Since I wasn't in an actual match, I had more liberty with what I wanted to wear and sorted through the rack of clothes left for me before finally settling on this... [polyvore] , tying up the shirt just below the middle of my back. After giving myself the once over in the mirror, I decided to head back to John's locker room to wish him luck before his match.

I pushed the door open to find John, his back to me, shirtless and searching through his bag. No matter how many times I saw him, I couldn't get over just how built he actually was. I watched the muscles in his back stretch and flex as he moved, mesmerized by the pure sight of him. I hated the idea of him going into this match but I knew if I told him the real reason behind my fears he would only plunge into that much faster so I bit my tongue and leaned against the door frame, watching him move about the room. He didn't notice me for awhile and I did nothing more than watch, overcome by the man in front of me. How was I lucky enough to have the love of this amazing person? What had I done to deserve everything he felt for me, everything he gave me time and again? I felt a tear form at the corner of my eye and just let it slip down my cheek, too engrossed in trying to figure out my thoughts. I was completely and irrevocably in love with him...and I was terrified as to what his match held for him tonight.

A sniffle escaped me and John turned around, smiling his million-watt smile when he saw me standing there. I stayed where I was for a second, our eyes searching the others for the words neither of us could find before my emotions got the best of me and I ran to him, jumping into his arms as my own flew around his neck. He scooped me up effortlessly, my legs wrapped around his waist and I leaned back far enough to look at him. Placing one hand on either side of his face, I stared into his eyes, full of questions, before I whispered, " You really love me?"

You couldn't wipe the smile from John's face if you wanted to as he rested his forehead against mine and answered, "With everything I am."

I was shaking as I reached up and pressed my lips to his, knowing this time was different. All the times I had thought I was in love were nothing now compared to the way my heart was ready to burst out of my chest and I realized my past was just leading me up to what could very easily become the rest of my future. Without breaking the kiss, John managed to find his way to the couch, setting himself gently down on stayed that way for what felt like forever but was really more like a few minutes when a knock came at the door, signaling we had 5 minutes until RAW went live. John ran his hand through his hair, gazing at me thoughtfully before speaking. " You should come down to the ring with me for my match."

I sat there for a second, contemplating the idea before thinking better of it. I knew if I was down there it would only give Jesse even more enjoyment getting to watch me squirm. Shaking my head, I replied simply, "taking it slow remember?"

John sighed, obviously disappointed. "Reilly, when am I going to be able to go out and say, 'Hey,everybody, this gorgeous woman is all mine.'?"

"When everything finally settles down John. I love you and you know I want to be with you but I refuse to make things worse for you." My voice was soft and I held his head in my hands, forcing him to look at me.

"Damn it Reilly, I don't care whether or not it's easy anymore. The only thing that is as easy as breathing for me anymore is this..." He grabbed my hands and pulled them to his chest, holding them there so I could feel his heart beating rapidly. "This is it for me Reilly...the way you make me feel, the way I love everything we have...that's all there is for me, all I care about. I want you and I don't care who knows it...Why is that such a god damn bad thing?" John's voice was raised and he held my hands tight to him, preventing me from going anywhere. It was obvious to me that this had been bothering him and he wanted to sort it out.

"It's not a bad thing John, but don't you want this over? Don't you want to have nothing to worry about so that we can just BE together?" I questioned.

"Of course I do, but I don't give a damn if it's easy anymore. If it's complicated, then damn it I'll deal with it. I'm tired of having to worry about anything but you and I. I'm in love with you and I want everybody to know it." John released my hands and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me right up against him and burying his face in my hair. I felt his lips against my ear and shivered slightly as he whispered, "I just want you Reilly...and everything about you."

" I know baby, and I want you too...I'm just so worried about you having issues with the divorce hearings. I don't want to end up giving her lawyer anything they can use against you. I want it over and done with..." I tried to keep my composure, tried to keep from falling apart.

"Please, please let me worry about the divorce. I'll take care of it I swear to you I will, please trust me. Just give me a chance to prove to you that this can work for us." His words were whispers on my ear, goosebumps forming on my arms as his breath tickled me. I sighed, wanting nothing more than to give in, to be able to walk out to the ring on his arm and show the world just how proud of him I was. A smile formed on my lips as the picture began to form in my head, a wicked smile on my face as John pinned Jesse for the 3-count.

I pulled far enough away from John to look at his face, and in his eyes I saw everything I had been afraid of being wiped away. A long, slow breath escaped my lips as I nodded wordlessly. John's eyes widen for a minute in shock before a smile crept into the corners of my mouth and he knew I couldn't say no any longer..I didn't want to. His lips captured mine instantly and I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me, knowing that maybe he was right about this. Maybe it was finally our time to be together.

"Guess we better go talk to Paul (Triple H) and have him rework the storyline?" I murmured against his lips and John just nodded before kissing me again. A few minutes later, we pulled ourselves away and made our way, hand-in-hand down to Pauls office and for a minute, I completely forgot about John's upcoming match later that night...


	11. Stay

**Chapter 11 (Stay)**

_Reilly-__  
_  
After going down to see Paul, I was forced to run back to my locker room. I had to change and quick. The story-line change hadn't gone exactly the way John would have liked, but it made sense. To have me all of a sudden be involved with John would be confusing so Paul decided to work in a way to incorporate all the rookies. I would go out to the ring before John's match with each rookie, conceptually to "scout" the rookies as far as who I would eventually come out to the ring with every night but in the end, it wouldn't be a rookie I would choose, but John. He hated the idea of having to wait even longer to be seen together but I tried to make him see that working up to the end would in turn, be better for everyone involved, including the two of us. And having the little secret that no one else would know made our relationship all the more fun.

I was glad Kelly was in the locker room when I entered, I was going to need help getting changed. Paul wanted me to look business-woman like, as if I was truly out there scouting potential clients. Kel rummaged through the rack of clothes while I redid my hair, pulling it out of the ponytail and running the straightener through it. Once I finished I spun around in my chair to see what Kelly had picked out and smiled a little devilishly at what was hanging on the wall. Maybe I'd have more fun with this "manager' schtick than I thought.

I slipped into the outfit and upon exiting the bathroom, that same devilish smile crept across Kelly's face. Giving myself the once over in the mirror, I was pleasantly surprised with what I saw... **[polyvore]** and hugged Kelly tightly before exiting the room. I was supposed to head out to the ring before either John or Jesse and didn't want John seeing me until he made his way out for the match.

Once I heard my music, I made my way out to the ring and perched myself in a chair next to Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole. The music changed and I looked up to see Jesse making his way down the ramp, a gigantic smile plastered on his face, his eyes locked with mine. I shook my head and looked away, refusing to let him get to me. The fact that I had to act like I actually cared anything about this man, let alone how well he wrestled, made me sick but I pushed the nausea away, intent on focusing on the end result. He walked toward me, winking before stopping next to me, waiting for John's entrance. I kept my hands clasped together in my lap, hiding the shaking I couldn't control.

My head snapped toward the ramp as those familiar first chords of John's entrance music came blaring across the speakers and the entire arena erupted in cheers. A small smile escaped my lips as he slid into the ring, the crowd going nuts as usual. He glanced over at me and I shivered inwardly as I watched his eyes widen at the outfit Kelly had picked out. He shook his head and turned away and I knew he was struggling to keep the emotion in. I'd have to apologize to him later but now wasn't the time. The time-keeper rang the bell and I snapped out of my thoughts, immediately focused on the match before me.

I watched as John started out strong, wearing Jesse down immediately, and yet, it took everything in me to look as unemotional as possible when John would take a hit. It was killing me, watching the man I love taking hits from the man I loathed more than John could and would handle himself only made things slightly easier to swallow. My heart stopped as John picked Jesse up to do his trademark AA and Jesse countered, slipping out of John's hold and throwing him across the ring and through the ropes. John tumbled hard to the floor, and I instinctively stood from the chair, trying to play it off as though I was trying to see what was going on. Jesse took the long way around, walking past me on his way to John and I heard him speak as he passed, "Get used to seeing him there, Reilly...", a smile still plastered to his face. He was getting a sick sort of enjoyment knowing inside I was torn apart having to watch him go after John time and time again.

I put my hands on my hips and watched as Jesse reached where John had fallen out of the ring and John snapped up and threw him shoulder first into the steel ring post. He picked him up, tossing him effortlessly back into the ring before taking a minute to regain his composure and walking the floor around the ring to where I was. John stopped inches in front of me, and I backed up a few steps, playing my part as well as I could.

"These young guys can't give you what I can." He told me, his eyes sparkling with mischief. There was a hidden meaning behind his words, and I didn't miss it.

"We'll see about that." I responded, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "Don't you have a match to attend to?" I shooed him away, not missing the low growl that escaped John's lips before he slid himself back into the ring.

Five minutes later, John again had Jesse on his shoulders but this time got the AA executed and my heart was flip-flopping as the referee counted out the 3-count. I wasn't supposed to hang around after the match but instead exit before anyone could make a guess as to who I was leaning toward so I stood, clapping my hands almost nonchalantly before making my way toward the ramp. I glanced up at the jumbo-tron as I exited, catching the image of John, leaning on the ropes, watching me leave with an expert confused look plastered to his face.

Making my way to the locker room I decided to play a little evil, knowing I was going to hear it from John for torturing him with the outfit anyway, and decided to head back to the hotel before John knew I was gone. I also didn't want to be anywhere in the back where I might run into Jesse so I grabbed my bag and booked it to my rental before John caught me.

Once I reached my car, I sat in the driver seat, the realization of what I had just watched washed over me and I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the sickening fact that somehow, Jesse still managed to get what he wanted, even if he hadn't won, was almost too much for me. I knew he was back in the locker room grinning to himself because he had gotten to me, victory or not. Sighing, I shook my head, knowing if I told John what was going on then Jesse would truly be getting what he so desperately seemed to want.

I drove back to the hotel, intent on forgetting Jesse and what had transpired in the ring for the rest of the night. Reaching my room, I left the door unlocked knowing if I didn't John would be pounding at it eventually. I set my Ipod on its portable speaker and turned it up just enough to not be annoying to anyone in adjacent rooms before busying myself emptying my gym bag.

Half an hour later, I exited the bathroom and ran face first into John's chest. Surprised, I glanced up and saw the complete and utter seriousness crossing his usually pool blue eyes. He said nothing, just took me by both arms, pulled me right up against him and pressed his lips to mine. I could feel the emotion pour out through John's kiss, a sense of what felt like desperation coming out this time. His hands slipped down my arms, taking hold of my wrists and pinning them to my sides as he backed me up against the now closed bathroom door. I twisted my arms as he kissed me, testing him, trying to free myself just for the fun of it. I wanted to see just how far he would let me push him tonight. I knew we hadn't been together long and we were a long way from being ready to go too far with each other but I wasn't against having SOME fun with him, especially with the state he seemed to be in.

I got my answer when John growled against my lips, his hands taking my wrists and pinning them above my head against the door. Something in his kiss let me know I had gotten to him tonight and I couldn't help it as a smile curled the corners of my mouth, causing John to pull away only a matter of inches. His breathing was heavy, erratic and he seemed to struggle to find the words for what he was feeling. I just stared at him, my smile widening as I again tried to free my wrists from his grasp.

"You...I mean, we...Damn it!" John growled as he dropped his lips to mine again. I struggled to keep myself from melting into him, wanting to see just how far I could get him to go. His lips searched mine, questioning, testing as he kept my arms pinned to the door. I focused on the kiss, not wanting him to pay attention to the fact that I was softly twisting my wrists in his grip, trying to find a way out. John's hands were so large, he held both of my wrists in one hand and could still completely close it. I managed to find where his fingers met the palm of his hand and timed myself, kissing him back enough to distract him while at the same time slipping my wrists quickly through his hand.

I was out and across the room before he realized what happened, giggling as I plopped myself down in the middle of one of the two beds.I still had the skirt on so I carefully tucked my legs up under me, gazing at John stood in front of the bathroom door for a minute, staring at it and muttering to himself before pounding his fist lightly against it and turning to face me.

"I can't even begin..." John started. He ran a hand through his short hair, his other on his hip as he struggled to find the words to explain what he was feeling. He took a few steps toward the bed, stopping just feet in front of me, his eyes locked tightly with mine. I said nothing, just stared back at him, willing him to say what was in his head. "If I told you what I wanted to do you'd think I was insane."

"Say it." I whispered, knowing full well he heard me. I wasn't sure what had gotten into me but all I wanted was for him to stay with me, whether it was in two beds or one.

John's eyes widened when he heard me, shaking his head roughly back and forth. "You don't really want to know Reilly."

" I said, say it." I replied simply, never breaking eye contact.

He took a long look at me as if wondering if I was actually serious before crossing the space between us in two huge steps. In an instant I was pulled from my seated position as he slid his hands underneath me and scooped me swiftly into his arms. His eyes bore into mine as he stood there in the middle of my hotel room, my legs wrapped around his waist, my hands linked gently around his neck before he whispered, " I'm not asking for everything Reilly..I just don't know if I can leave.."

My lips cut him off, kissing him with everything I had in me, needing him to know I felt the same way. I pulled away, my eyes closed, and my breath heavy before whispering, "stay with me." I was scared to open my eyes, afraid of getting rejected by such an outright request. Slowly my eyes slid open to find John staring at me as if making sure he had heard me right. I looked right into his eyes and repeated myself, "Please...stay with me."

"I don't want everything Reilly, believe me. But everything tonight, the way you look, the way only I knew you were really out at that ring for me...God, I can't get over how amazing it felt. It took all I had in me to focus on the match and not scoop you up in my arms and carry you back to the locker room with me. I just don't want to let you go tonight. I want to spend the whole night with my arms wrapped around you...I just want to be with you." John's words were hushed, pointed and sincere.

"I'm not asking for everything either, we're not ready for that...but I do want you...I want you right here, with me. " I emphasized my words, squeezing my arms around him just slightly. I felt one of his hands slip from under my legs and run through my hair as he smiled, gazing intently at me as if he couldn't get enough. John kissed me again and I felt all of the confusion leave him through his kiss. In it's place was the simple need, the desire we had to be as close to each other as possible.

"I need to get a bag..." John mumbled against my mouth.

"Hurry up." I sighed, slipping from his arms. My feet had barely hit the floor before John was slipping out the door.I smiled and shook my head, grabbing what I had taken from John's locker room and heading to the bathroom to change.

I didn't notice that John had left the door propped slightly open...

_-John-__  
_  
I had to keep myself from literally running down the hall to my room, barely acknowledging the rookie I had had a match with only an hour before as I passed him. I had been terrified to tell Reilly I wanted to stay and then...she was the one that asked me...I couldn't get over how much I needed this woman. Her look, her smell...her kiss...everything about her was utterly intoxicating and I was overcome with the realization that at least for tonight, I didn't have to let her go.

I reached my room and cursed under my breath when I had to spend a few extra minutes figuring out what I had done with my duffel bag. I found it tossed in the bottom of the closet and threw a random jersey and pair of shorts into it, grabbed some stuff from the bathroom and left as quickly as I had entered. I was probably gone for a maximum of ten minutes but I just felt the need to get back to Reilly as soon as possible.

Reaching the door to her room, it was cracked open wider than I thought I had left it but I thought nothing of it as I put my hand on the door to push it open. Hearing voices inside, I stopped short, my hand left where it was as I leaned my ear toward the opening, unsure if I was hearing things.

"I said get out.." Reilly's voice was hushed, her voice venomous, something I had never heard from her before.

"You know he just got lucky tonight Reilly. It won't happen again." A man's voice this time, one I didn't recognize.

"I don't give a damn. John could kick your ass without having to try now leave us the hell alone. I'm not scared of you anymore, you're not in control of me. You can do whatever the hell you want, it won't change a damn thing." I stood there, hand on the door, frozen where I. I didn't want to rush in, not knowing what was going on.

"Get your hands off of me." I heard Reilly hiss. I could tell she was trying not to yell, trying not to draw attention to whoever may be walking by outside.

A chill ran through me as I heard a slapping sound but the resulting gasp that I could tell came from Reilly was the final straw. I threw the door opened, livid at the idea that ANYONE would put their hands on my Reilly.

"What the hell is going on in here?!" I shouted. I almost tripped over my feet, I stopped so short, frozen again by what I saw in front of me. Reilly, cradling her face and curled up in a ball on the end of the couch, cowering back into the cushions as far as she could go, with that rookie...the same rookie I had had a match against...the same rookie I had passed in the hallway, ignoring him as he was headed...here...He was standing over her, his hand still raised, frozen in surprise when I had burst into the room.

A low growl escaped my throat and I immediately lunged after him wanting him as far away from Reilly as possible. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I was on him in a split-second, my arms slipping through his, twisting them behind his head so he couldn't get at me. I locked my hands together and twisted, causing him to cry out slightly before biting his tongue...he was lucky I wasn't pounding his fucking head in.

"John don't!" Reilly exclaimed, moving off the couch and taking a step toward me. She didn't move her hand from her cheek and I twisted the asshole's arm just a little tighter for laying a finger on her.

"Reilly what the hell is going on? Did he touch you?" I questioned

"Your little girlfriend hasn't told you anything has she Johnny boy?" The weasel in my arms spat, a smirk crossing his face.

"Jesse, shut up before I let him punch your teeth down your damn throat!" Reilly exclaimed. She walked around us, behind me where he couldn't get to her and laid her hand on my shoulder. "John let him go. I'll explain everything I promise. Just let him go before you do something you'll regret. He's not worth it."

"Reilly damn it, you didn't answer my question...did he touch you?" I managed to get the words out through gritted teeth, ready to kill the sorry excuse of a man I currently had locked in my grasp.

"Wow..Reilly finally found someone else to fight her battles for her." The dirtbag in my hands spoke again and I lost it. I threw him across the room, sending him crashing into the wall closest to the door. I moved to go after him but Reilly stepped in front of me, her hand gently on my chest. She had taken her hand from her face and I could clearly see the hand sized print swelling on her cheek.

"Reilly, don't..." I started. I touched her face gingerly, grimacing as she flinched when my hand reached her swollen cheek.

"John, not like this..please. I'll explain everything I swear." Her voice was hushed, defeated. I sighed and backed away, the last thing I wanted to do was anger her. I clenched my fists at my sides as she turned back toward Jesse. She walked toward him and I instinctively took a step after her, wanting to protect her. He was just getting to his feet when she reached him and I couldn't help but smile as she hauled off and smacked him across the face with everything her tiny frame had in it. He hissed in pain and took a step out the open door before turning back to us.

"This isn't over, you can be sure of that." He threatened, looking me square in the eyes.

" Believe me, I guarantee you this is FAR from over." I warned, wrapping my arm protectively around Reilly's shoulders as she backed up towards me.

Jesse looked from me to Reilly for just a minute before turning and storming down the hallway. Once he was gone, I crossed over to the door, slamming it shut and throwing the deadbolt. I stood there for a minute, staring at the closed door, trying to collect myself. I was so pissed that I had just let him leave but something in Reilly's eyes told me there was more I didn't know. Frustrated, I pounded my fist against the door before taking a deep breath and turning back to Reilly.

What I saw when I turned around was like a knife through my heart. My precious Reilly had crumpled into a heap on the floor, clutching her cheek, the tears streaming freely down her face. Sighing, I immediately crossed back to her and scooped her into my arms.

This was not the way I had planned on this night going...


	12. TShirts

_-John-_

Reilly curled herself into my arms as I crossed the room and set myself gently down on the couch, trying not to jostle her. Looking down at her, her eyes sparkling with tears and her cheek crimson and swollen, I hated myself for ever leaving her.

"Don't." Reilly spoke, fidgeting with her hands.

"Don't what?" I questioned.

" You're blaming yourself, I know you. Don't do it. You had nothing to do with this John. I'm just sorry you had to see it...I should have told you sooner, I was just so worried that you'd be angry at me and,"

I cut her off, pressing my lips gently to hers. I wanted to take away all of her hurt, all of her pain. I didn't care at the moment what the reasoning was, all I cared about was this beautiful woman cradled in my arms, the one I had left unprotected...

It was as if, for a moment, all of the frustration, the anger we both held from what had transpired only minutes before was coming out through our kiss. Reilly reached up, her hand caressing the side of my face as I twisted my hand gently into her hair. I wanted it to go on forever, wanted to just forget everything that had happened but all too soon I was brought back to reality with the sound of a small sniffle.

Pulling away, I looked down at Reilly again as she quickly wiped away the tears that were threatening to fall againd. As carefully as I could manage, I traced the pad of my thumb along her still swollen cheek. She shivered under my touch and I leaned down, planting soft, feathery kisses along the tender area. I was so frustrated, so completely ready to tear apart that sorry excuse for a man and yet, in this moment all I wanted was Reilly...I wanted to take everything away, to love her over and over again so she'd never have to even think of feeling pain.

" I should have told you about Jesse." Reilly's whispers brought me out of my thoughts and my eyes snapped up to look at her. "I should have told you the day I realized he was part of the company."

"You know him?" I questioned, trying to keep my voice soft.

With a sigh and a resigned nod of her head, Reilly spoke the words that shattered my resolve into a million pieces. "He's my ex-boyfriend."

I had to restrain the anger that suddenly boiled up inside of me, remembering I still had Reilly wrapped in my arms. Trying to control my breathing, I looked away from her, staring at the wall...he was the one who had hurt her, time and time again. He was the one who had caused her so much pain, caused her to feel unsure of herself for so long...and she had convinced me to let him go tonight. The thought sent goosebumps down my arms and I didn't realize my grip had tightened on her arms until I felt her soft hand cover mine gently.

" John, say something please." Reilly pleaded.

I looked down at her for a minute, knowing that if I didn't get my building rage under control whatever she and I had left of the night would be lost. "you need ice." I stated. I stood with her still in my arms, turned and set her gently back down on the couch. She didn't say a word, didnt make eye contact, probably sensing I needed a few minutes to calm myself down.

Grabbing her room key from the dresser, I made sure the door shut tightly behind me as I left the room. I walked down the hall slowly, the ice bucket in my hand, trying to collect my thoughts. I didn't want to make this any more complicated for Reilly, knowing it had to have been tearing her apart as it was but I refused to let that monster anywhere near her and working in the same company would make protecting her all the more difficult.

Staring mindlessly as the ice cascaded into the bucket, I pulled my plan together in my head. I would play out the rest of this storyline that Paul had created, taking my matches each week against the new rookies with Reilly out at ring side as planned, where I could keep an eye on her. I'd have to convince Paul to let me change the ending, knowing I would most likely have to tell him my reasons for wanting another match against Jesse. Reilly wouldn't like that part, not wanting to involve anyone else but I'd have to make her see that Paul would understand. If anyone was more against a man laying a hand on a woman in anger than me it was Paul. I'd tell him I wanted another match with Jesse, even if we had to play it off as he was the last surviving rookie and it had come down to Reilly's choice between him and I, except this time, the loser would be leaving the WWE for good. The hardest part was going to be getting Paul to let the match go unscripted...I didn't want it setup. I was willing to put my entire career on the line to ensure Reilly never had to worry about that pig ever again. That part I would have to keep from her until I announced it, I didn't want to give her even the slightest possibility of talking me out of it.

Snapping out of my thoughts, I grabbed the now-full ice bucket and made my way back to Reilly's room. I needed to be sure she knew I wasn't mad at her for not telling me about Jesse.

Re-entering the room, my eyes fell on Reilly and I was immediately taken aback. Even after what she'd been through tonight she could still take my breath away. She was curled up on the couch, her arm resting on the back of it with her head laid softly on her arm, staring out into the night sky. Her hair was piled on top of her head and she had...wait! Where did she get my shirt? How had I not noticed this before?

She was wearing my green trademark You Can't See Me shirt, tied halfway up her back, exposing her impossibly tight stomach, and a pair of black cotton shorts that showcased way more of her gorgeous legs than was safe for me. Shaking my head, I forced the growing need back down and grabbing a hand towel from the bathroom, created a makeshift ice pack and carried it over to her.

She smiled hesitantly up at me, searching my eyes for any sort of anger as she took the ice pack I held out. Kneeling on the floor next to her, I placed my hand on her arm, my fingers stroking her skin softly to reassure her I wasn't angry.

"Not 's not going to get away with this Reilly, I'm going to take care of it and it involves keeping you as close to me as possible but the rest can wait." I kissed her skin softly. I was finding myself getting slowly intoxicated by everything this woman was to me again, and wasn't sure I wanted to fight it this time.

She pulled the ice pack from her cheek and held it out to me. I hesitated, certain she should still use it but she pushed her hand farther toward me and nodded as I took it from her and set it on the table behind me. I turned back to her to find her hand outstretched, waiting for mine. Lacing our fingers together, her smile was impossible to ignore as she slid herself off the couch and into my arms. She slid her legs out on either side of me so that she was sitting on my upper thighs, her legs bent slightly at the knee. I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her to me as I pressed my lips to her forehead.

"Nice shirt," I mumbled against her skin.

" Like it? It smells like you so I stole it." Reilly mused, looking down at it. I followed her gaze, smiling as I saw the sleeves of the shirt hanging all the way down to her elbows. The woman was so god damn tiny and the shirt was so big that in my head, my subconscious threw together a picture of her in nothing but the shirt, the hem falling just low enough to cover yet high enough to send chills down my spine.

I shook the image away furiously. It was hard enough keeping myself under control with her sitting in my lap without my subconscious complicating the matter. She stared at the shirt for a minute before looking up at me, "I really am sorry John."

Shaking my head, I pushed her apology away. "Reilly don't. I get it, okay. I understand why you wouldn't want to tell me and I can't hold that against you. But just understand that until I get this taken care of, I'm going to want you as close to me as possible. I don't want to risk even a chance of him being able to get to you."

"So does that mean you're still going to stay with me?" Reilly questioned, looking down again.

I put my hand under her chin and lifted her face to look at me. "If I had it my way, I'd never leave your side again." I whispered, my skin tingling at the indecent thoughts running through my head.

"Good, 'cause I don't think I could let you leave tonight if I tried. I want you here with me, John...as long as possible." Her words lit a fire deep inside me, a feeling I hadn't experienced in quite a long time and I claimed her lips with mine, unable to keep myself from touching her.

"I love you." Reillys words were breathless against me and I shivered as they crossed the minimal space between us.

I didn't have to answer her, my lips took care of that for me and she smiled against me as I pushed myself to a standing position, my lock on her lips never breaking as I carried her over to her bed. With one hand, I pulled back the covers and set her gently down on it, slowly tearing my lips from hers in the process. She sat on the edge of the bed looking up at me and I gently caressed the side of her face with my hand.

"You need to get some rest." I spoke wistfully, knowing it was better that I separated myself from her now before things went to far.

She held her hands up to me, a smile teasing the corners of her slightly swollen lips and i felt my eyebrows raise in question.

"You said you were going to stay with me." Reilly stated.

" I am but Reilly, I don't know if this is such a good idea. I think it would be better if i slept in the other bed. The way you're in my head right now, I can't promise that I won't..." I didn't want to finish, fighting the typical male side of me that was begging to be let out.

" I trust you. " Her voice was sure, confident in what she was saying. She really did trust me and all I could do was hope it wasn't a misplaced trust since I wasn't sure I could trust myself. Standing there looking down at her, a heavy sigh escaped me and I knew I couldn't say no. I held up a finger to let her know I needed a minute then went to my bag, pulled out a pair of Under Armour pajama pants and headed to the bathroom.

Five minutes later I re-entered the room, shirtless and barefoot, and dropped my things on top of my bag. Reilly was curled up on the far side of the bed, her head resting on her arm as she watched me move about the room. I double checked the door, making sure it was locked tight and then crossed back to Reilly, shutting off lights as I went.

As I stood there in front of her, I wondered what I had done in my life to have this amazing woman laying in front of me. She was more than I ever deserved and I vowed to myself in that moment that I would do two things. One, I would make sure Jesse never got the chance to get anywhere near her ever again, he would no longer be able to hurt her. And two, I would spend the rest of my life doing everything in my power to make Reilly happy... to make her understand just how much she has truly changed me...how much I need her.

I slid into the bed next to her and she scooted herself right up against me as I wrapped my arms around her. Her head resting in the crook of my arm, she lightly ran her fingertips down my chest. There was no need for words as we lay there, gazing at each other thoughtfully. There was nothing left to say that hadn't already been said, she knew how I felt and I knew how she felt and that's all we needed. We both drifted off to sleep not long after, completely content and comfortable wrapped into each other.


	13. In the Ring

**One Week Later...**

_-Reilly-_

It had been a week since that night in my hotel room and John had barely let me out of his sight. I wasn't complaining but no matter what I did or said, I couldn't get him to truly believe that I would be okay without him for awhile. I moved my things into his room until we changed cities and then John had Paul register us in the same room. It was nice not to have to say goodbye to him at night but at the same time, I secretly worried about how it may be looking to everyone else. It was Monday morning and John and I had just arrived at the arena in Seattle, Washington. I hadn't seen anything of Jesse since that night and I knew John was happier that way but I kept the fact that it made me slightly uneasy to myself but I shook the thought from my head. I was curled up on the couch in the locker room, my feet in John's lap as we sat reading our newest scripts.

"So why did the writers just say, 'And John makes his speech,' and leave it at that?" I questioned, looking up at him.

"They just want me to improvise." John's answered. He was relaxed, almost content for the first time in a week and I wanted to soak up as much of his happiness as I could. He set his script down on the table in front of him and mindlessly started running his hands along my feet as he gazed over at me, a thoughtful expression running through the pools of blue.

Tilting my head, I closed my script and set it on my lap, eyeing him speculatively. "What are you thinking about?"

John shook his head, snapping out of his own thoughts and back into the present. He massaged my feet lightly and his expression went from thoughtful to worried as he regarded me again. "Are you sure you're going to be okay with this?"

I sighed, knowing what he was getting at and ran a hand through my hair, trying to figure out the best way to explain my feelings.

"John you can't protect me forever. I started this and regardless of what happens I need to be able to finish it."

"Reilly that's just it, I can protect you. I WANT to protect you. If something would ever happen to you I couldn't forgive myself. I won't let him hurt you again Reilly and I don't like the idea of you anywhere near him." John's squeezed my foot softly and his eyes slipped from mine to the floor.

We were going to be back down at the ring tonight as John had a match against another rookie and Jesse wasn't supposed to appear according to the script so I had secretly hoped that we wouldn't have to worry about this today but John apparently had a different idea in mind. Sighing I slid myself across the couch until I was right next to him, linked my arms through one of his and rested my head on his shoulder.

"This is work John, that's all it is. He's not going to be out there tonight and besides, you'll be in the ring anyway and I don't think he'd be stupid enough to come at me with you that close." I started.

"Reilly, the fact that he was stupid enough to come at you at all is what ticks me off. He has no right being anywhere near you and I still wish you would give some more thought to what Paul and I suggested." John's voice went soft, knowing this was a touchy subject for me.

My mind flashed back to Wednesday night when John and I had gone out for dinner with Paul and his wife. John insisted on telling Paul what was going on with Jesse and they both pushed not quite so gently for me to get a restraining order which I repeatedly refused. It was bad enough Paul felt horrible for hiring him, (I kept insisting he had nothing to feel bad about), but I was not going to go out and risk a restraining order being made public and complicating things even more. John had enough to worry about in the press with his divorce without the risk of anyone finding out that we were together and I was getting restraining orders against ex-boyfriends. I kept my reasoning for not getting one to myself though, for obvious reasons.

"Baby, I told you, I'm not throwing anymore into this. He doesn't deserve the amount of attention he's getting because of all of this right now, I'm not giving him something else to stew over. After tonight you have two more weeks of matches and then the pay-per-view, and then it's over. One of these rookies will stay, the others, including Jesse will be gone and we can move on. It's going to be strange though, you only showing up at a pay-per-view so I can make my announcement. I feel kind of bad, like I'm robbing you of a main-event match or something." I squeezed his arm lightly, cuddling closer to his side.

I felt John sigh softly, before resting his hand on my leg and responding. "Yeah...it's going to be strange alright."...

_-John-_

I wanted to tell Reilly that I would have a match at the next pay-per-view, and that Jesse wouldn't be gone so easily, and that the match wasn't going to be scripted, that I was putting everything on the line because I wanted, needed to be with her...but I knew if I did, she would do everything in her power to try and talk me out of it. I kept my mouth shut, pulled her closer to me and distracted myself the only way I knew how...I pulled her face to mine and kissed her. This announcement tonight was going to be harder than I thought...

**Seven Hours Later**

_-Reilly-_

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Kelly asked me, fixing a stray curl in my hair as I stood in front of the mirror in our locker room.

"Kel, I don't have a choice. I refuse to let Jesse have power over me anymore and this is the only way to get him out of my life forever. And besides, he's not coming out tonight anyway so I have nothing to worry about." My voice was soft as I brushed out a wrinkle in my dress. Kelly and I had spent most of the afternoon holed up in our locker room, me telling her everything that had transpired between Jesse and John while Kelly assembled yet another "business-woman" outfit for me.

Looking myself over in the mirror, I still couldn't believe the woman in front of me was the same little girl who had been so unsure of herself years before. I had matured and grown into someone I never would have imagined and wearing something like this... [polyvore] ...I finally felt beautiful. I slipped on the small gold necklace from John, tucking it into my dress as a finishing touch, turned around to face Kelly and noticed a single tear slipping down her cheek. My head tilted quizically, she crossed the room and wrapped her arms around me tightly.

"Promise me you'll tell me next time as soon as something happens...You're my best friend and I hate not knowing what's going on with you." She whispered.

"Kel, I promise I'll let you know." I answered, squeezing her softly. She took a step back from me, admiring her work then finished,

" Good thing this match is scripted, John might not be able to concentrate tonight."

"Speaking of, I need to get down to the ramp. Thanks darling." I smiled and waved quickly at her as she shooed me out the door.

I managed to sneak myself past John's locker room, knowing if I stopped to see him he would make me late to the ring and made it to the ramp just in time for my music to start. It was still funny to me how much more comfortable I became walking down the ramp the more times I did it.

Taking a seat next to "The King" Jerry Lawler (Michael Cole gets on my nerves) I played my part as the next rookie victim made his way to the ring. He was small, fairly thin and kind of scrawny and I giggled a little in my head at how short this match would probably be. I was brought out of my thoughts by the first trilling notes of John's music and I couldn't keep the immediate smile from crossing my face. He slid into the ring and crossed right over to the side where I was sitting. Surpressing a giggle, I watched as his mouth dropped open a little as he took in my outfit before he spun around and went back to being the John Cena that the fans knew. It was humbling to me, knowing that I knew a side of him that none of these fans in this arena would probably ever know.

As I suspected, John's match was over in a matter of seven minutes. I stood and applauded after the 3 count but just as I went to make my way around the ring, John called to the ring announcer for a microphone and I stopped short, wondering what he was up to.

As he looked down at me, I knew he was talking in character when he pointed at me and said, "Stick around, you'll want to hear this."

I crossed my arms in front of me and tried to act as uninterested as possible but inside my stomach was tightening in a sickening fashion. Something was going on and deep down, I had a sinking suspicion that I wasn't going to like it. John paced around the ring for a few seconds, wiped the sweat from his face and glanced at me quickly before beginning, " Ya know, when management came to me, they asked me to help them out with some rookies, give them each a match so that Ms. Reilly over here," He gestured to me then continued, "could make a fair decision as far as who she would manage. And I didn't think about it then, I just said yes. I was given my chance in this company 10 years ago and I am more than willing to give someone else theres. But I got to thinking about it...and in 10 years I have never had the opportunity to have a beautiful manager, so what makes these new guys so damn special? I'll probably get in trouble for doing this but..." John stopped pacing the ring and walked over to the side of the ring where I stood, rested his forearms on the ropes and locked his eyes with mine. "I'm throwing my hat in the ring on this one. I want a shot at you just like the rest of these guys." It was impossible for me to miss the implied meaning behind his words and the look of shock on my face was not an "acted" expression. What was he doing? No one was supposed to know about this until I made my announcement!

"So I came up with an idea. I'll finish this tournament," he put tournament in air quotes, " and then you can decide which one of these rookies is your favorite." He paused and I held my hands up as if to say, 'that's what we're supposed to do!' He took a deep breath and instantly, the playful John was gone and the serious, 'I mean this' John stood in his place. The look that came from him was so pained, so desperate it caused me to take a step back. "There's a catch though. Whomever you pick will have one final match against me, at the next pay per view. Winner gets you as their manager. Loser..." Another deep breath, shaky this time as he stared down at me and the next words just about knocked me out. "Loser leaves the WWE for good."

The crowd lost it, some of them cheering, some booing at the idea of their precious John Cena having to leave the WWE over a rookie. I couldn't move. My mouth had fallen open, my brain had ceased to function. What the hell was he thinking? Wait, I knew what he was thinking. This was his way to get Jesse permanently out of our lives but putting his career on the line, even if it was just a storyline, was absolutely to much for me. I was fuming now, pissed at him for springing this on me like this rather then telling me when we were alone. I inhaled sharply, deciding for the moment that I would play his game in front of these people but there was going to be hell to pay when we got back to the hotel tonight.

Collecting myself, I gestured to the announcer for a mic, made my way carefully up the stairs and ducked under the ropes into the ring. Standing there, I regarded John for a minute, keeping my eyes locked on his. I could feel the anger boiling up inside me and tried to keep a cool appearance as I watched him face me, almost hesitantly. He knew I was pissed and that little boy who knew he was in trouble was back again. Steadying myself, one hand on my hip, I began, "What makes you think, for one second, that I'm some sort of prize that you can win?"

"Never said you were, I'm just saying I want a chance to work with you." John scrubbed his hand across his head, his blue eyes studying mine intently.

"Right. That fact aside, I want to know why you, John Cena, would put your career on the line just to work with me?" This question was more for me than it was for advancing the storyline but I didn't care. I needed to know.

The few seconds it took John to answer felt like an eternity. "Just seemed worth it to me." His last four words hung in the air, the arena went silent except for a few whistles from some of the guys. He was serious about this?

Collecting myself yet again, I took a step toward him, my mind and heart racing. 'Just remember, it's just a storyline. He'll still have his job and everything will work out.' I thought to myself. That fact helped me a little and a small smirk crossed my face as I finished."You're willing to risk everything over this, just to work with me...so be it. But I'm telling you now John, I don't play favorites. You earn what you get or you get nothing at all. I'll see you at the pay-per-view."

I dropped the mic, turned and ducked back under the ropes to the cheers from the crowd. Walking up the ramp I could feel John's eyes following me but avoided glancing up at the Jumbo tron to check. Making my way through the curtain I was half-way down the hall when I ran into Kelly who was just getting ready to leave the arena.

"Hey Kel, can I ride with you?" I questioned when she noticed me walking toward her and stopped.

"Sure, what's the matter?" Kelly asked, taking my arm in hers as I reached her.

I felt myself unraveling and wanted to get out of the arena before I fell apart. "Nothing, I just need some space from John for a little bit."

We turned and started walking toward our locker room so I could grab my bag until Kel stopped short and spun me around to face her. "Wait, you didn't know about this? He didn't tell you did he?"

All I could do was shake my head and blink back the tears and she reached out and hugged me tightly. "It's just a storyline Reilly, he'll be fine and this will all be over in a matter of weeks, just remember that. I'm not saying not telling you was the right thing to do but just go easy on him. It's just a story."

I nodded my head and we continued walking down the hall. Ten minutes later, Kelly and I were in her rental and on our way back to the hotel. I had managed to avoid running into John, knowing once he got back to our room I needed to be ready to talk to him and I needed time to get my head wrapped around all of this.

Twenty minutes later I walked into our hotel room, throwing my bag in the corner, and sat on the edge of the bed, fiddling with my fingers. My mind had not stopped racing since our exchange in the ring and so many questions were running through my head I felt as if it would explode. Why John hadn't told me any of this before was beyond me at this point and all I could do was hope I managed to keep it together long enough to find out why.

Half an hour later, I was still in the dress but barefoot, curled up on the end of the couch and staring out the window when the door opened and John walked into the room. Throwing his bag down next to mine, he stood there, hands in his pockets, his eyes willing me to say something, anything.

I stared at him for a minute, wondering what to say before sighing and spinning myself around on the couch to face him. I started with what I knew for sure. "The only reason I'm not freaking out and throwing things at you right now is because this is a storyline and I know things will still be able to work out the way WE want them to." I put emphasis on the "we" to remind him of everything he and I had said we wanted together.

His eyes went wide, and then immediately went to the floor, his shoulders hunched over. When he looked back at me a chill ran down my spine and I knew there was something about this I had yet to hear.

John sighed, his eyes pleading with me to listen and then whispered, "Please don't hate me Reilly."

"John why would I hate you?" I questioned, leaning forward. My hands were shaking and I crossed my arms in front of me to keep them still. Something was horribly wrong with this situation.

One final breath, one last pleading look and John said it...

"It's not a storyline..."


	14. Futures

_**Chapter 14 (Futures)**_

_-Reilly_-

"What the hell do you mean it's not a storyline?" I questioned, trying to keep my building anger from bursting through.

"Reilly, please just let me explain." John started. He took a step toward me and I held up my hand, not wanting him any closer.

"Don't pull this Reilly stuff on me John. I want to know what the hell is going on." I spit...my teeth clenched together. I didn't notice that my hands had become clenched fists resting on either side of me on the couch.

His eyes dark, he ignored my raised hand and crossed the room, falling to his knees in front of me and taking both of my hands in his. He took a deep breath and then whispered, "It's not a storyline. It took a lot of convincing on my part but Paul finally agreed to let me work this out my way, even if it meant losing my job. I needed him and everyone else to know, especially Jesse, just how far I would go for you Reilly. I don't care if it means losing my job over it. I..."

"I do John! I care. I absolutely refuse...there is no way in hell you are going through with this! You LOVE your job, why in the world would you put it all on the line for something as stupid as this?" I exclaimed. I tried to pull my hands away but John pulled them to his chest, gripping them tightly in his own.

"Because this," he patted my hands against his chest, "this isn't stupid. This is everything to me. YOU are everything to me. I need you to trust me Reilly, now more than ever. Yes, I love my job, I love what I do..."

"See, this is exactly what I mean. You have no reason to put it on the line like this for me! I'm not worth all this John, I'm just not.." I started to say before John put his fingers to my lips to silence me. I shook his finger away, my eyes falling to the floor. My attempt at keeping it together was failing miserably and I could feel the walls crumbling around me.

"Stop it. Cut that crap out right now. Let me finish before you go spewing out stuff that isn't even true. Yes I love my job Reilly, yes I love what I do...but there's one thing I love more than any of that. One thing I would give it all up for over and over again if I had to...and that's you. I love you more than anything in this world Reilly, please, I need you to understand that. I told you before I would walk away from everything if you asked me to and damn it I meant it. I'd give up everything for you if you'd let me." He kept my hands locked in one of his while he placed the other under my chin and lifted my face to look at him.

"You can't John, you just can't!" I exclaimed and using every bit of strength I had, I pulled my hands from his, stood and moved away from him across the room. I could see him in the mirror in front of me; he didn't move to come after me, just turned so he was sitting facing me on the floor, his arms resting across his pulled up knees.

"Why the hell not Reilly? Why can't I give up everything for you?" Even John's voice was raised now. Oh this is not what I wanted right now.

I stared at myself in the mirror, the tears betraying me and spilling down my cheeks uncontrollably. Looking over my reflection, I realized the hair, the make-up, the dress...none of it was me at that moment. All of a sudden I became what I hadn't been in six years...that unsure, restricted, reserved little girl. I raised my hands to say something but the words ran dry and my hands fell limply to my sides. "Because," I managed to whisper, "no one ever has." And with those words, what was left of the walls came down and I came apart.

John was across the room in a split second, his arms wrapping tightly around me while simultaneously spinning me around to face him. He didn't say anything at first, just pulled me to him and held me as I sobbed, burying his face in my neck. "Let me." John whispered against my neck before raising his head to look down at me. Running his thumb along my cheek and wiping away the tears he continued, "Let me be the one to risk everything for you Reilly."

Gazing up at him, his eyes burned into mine, and for the first time I felt him letting me in, felt him giving me absolutely everything he had in him and it was overwhelming. Was I ready for this? Was I really able to let someone risk everything just because they wanted to be with me? I wasn't used to any of this.

"I don't know how." My voice cracked as the words came out and I was glad John's arms were around me or I would have crumpled to the floor.

John rested his forehead gently against mine, our eyes closed, everything in the world melting away except the two of us. "Just trust me. That's all I need you to do. Trust that I can take care of this, of you. If I lose my job then so be it. Yes it will be hard but I have more than enough other projects to keep me busy and it also means you and I would get to spend a hell of a lot more time together. But I swear, as much as I can, that I will not lose to him Reilly. If I lose to him, it means he keeps his job and he's still able to get to you. I can't let that happen. I will not let him hurt you again and I will do everything in my power to beat him in three weeks."

"Why John? Why would you willingly do any of this? I don't understand what possibly throwing away ten years of hard work gets you?" I wondered.

With a loud sigh, John scooped me up into his arms and carried me back over to the couch. After setting me down gently, he stood in front of me, hands on his hips, his head slightly tilted to one side as he regarded me. "You don't get it do you? You don't get just how completely and hopelessly in love with you I am."

"I do. But loving me has nothing to do with giving up everything you've ever worked for." I answered, fiddling with my fingers again. Why did he make me so damn nervous all the time?

"It has everything to do with it Reilly, and no, I don't think you really get just how much I love you. And as far as I can figure, there is only one way for me to really make you understand. I'm praying to god that it doesn't scare you away but I want, need you to trust me." He paused as he reached down and took my left hand in his. "Because one day, when there's nothing left for you and I to worry about, when I don't have a divorce hanging over my head and the time is right for both of us,when we're somewhere that just makes sense to us...I'm going to take your hand in mine...and I'm going to get down on my knee in front of you..." As he said that he dropped to his knee, kneeling in front of my teary-eyed frame on the couch and my breath caught in my throat as he locked his eyes with mine. "And staring up at you, I'm going to pour my heart out to you, and tell you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you..." I started shaking my head back and forth, not believing what he was doing. His free hand came and cradled the side of my face, holding me still as he finished, "And then, I'm going to ask you to marry me."

I gasped, unsure if I had actually heard...Had he really just given me a heads up that sometime in the future he was going to ask me to marry him? My mind was no longer shut down, it was now strapped into a NASCAR car, flying around the track at about a thousand miles an hour. My heart felt as if it was about to fly out of my chest as I stared down at John, waiting patiently for me to say something. "You're really serious aren't you?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life. If I could I would go out and marry you tonight, damn everything else but I know that's rushing things. I just felt like I had to tell you and I know it takes some of the surprise element out of it and for that I'm sorry but...you are it for me Reilly." John's hushed words swept over me and anything I might have been trying desperately to hold onto was gone. Staring into the pool blue that was his eyes, I realized I wanted everything he did. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, I wanted to make him as happy as he made me.

Wiping my eyes, I could no longer keep a small smile from slipping out and John's eyes widened. "Do you know what the most horrible part about all of this is?" I questioned.

"What's that?" John worried, his voice full of concern.

"The most horrible part is that somewhere down the road, when you and I are alone and you do ask me to marry you..." I took a deep breath, ran my free hand down his cheek, and finally completely gave in."I'm going to say yes."

I couldn't stifle the small giggle as I watched John's eyes grow so big I could swear they'd pop out of his head. "Do you really mean..."

I cut him off, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him with all I had in me. " Yes you crazy, insane man, when the time comes I will marry you." I whispered. The tears were still flowing down my cheeks but they were no longer sad.

In a flash, John stood, scooped me into his arms and spun me around the room, laughing loud and clear for the first time in weeks. When he finally set me back on my feet, he gazed at me, his eyes so full of emotion it was hard to see and cradled my cheek in his hand again. "I swear, when the time comes, I will ask you properly."

" I know." I whispered. Standing on tip-toe, I reached up and kissed him again. He was my life and it felt so good knowing that eventually we'd have each other in every way possible.

A few minutes later, I was leaning up against John on the couch, my back to his front with his arms wrapped around me as we tried to sort out the inevitable.

"I just need you to have enough trust in me to believe that I can and will win this match Reilly." John begged, his arms tightening around mine.

I sighed, knowing he could and most likely would win. "I'm just scared baby. It's going to be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do sitting out there watching that match."

"I know and if you don't want to be out there I'll understand." John reassured.

"No, I need to be out there. One, because I'm part of the storyline and two...I want to see Jesse finally get what he deserves." I replied.

Without turning around I could tell John was smiling when he answered me. "Don't worry Reilly, I'm going to make sure he gets everything he deserves.

"Ok, and I'll promise you something then too." I relented, turning my head to look up at him.

"You don't have to promise me anything Reilly. You gave me the only thing I needed to hear a few minutes ago.

"No this is important, both to you and to me. If you win, and Jesse is truly gone...I will get the restraining order. This way I can guarantee there's nothing left to hold us back." I gave in, knowing how important it was to him.

John's smile was a mile wide as he leaned down and kissed my forehead gently. "You, Ms. Reilly, have made me the happiest I've ever been."

"Ditto Mr. Cena." I teased before his lips were pressed to mine and my words were gone.


	15. Making Deals

**Two Weeks Later...**

_-John-_

Two days before I had my last rookie match and Reilly and I were standing in yet another airport. Except this time, we weren't going the same way. I was headed to Florida for yet another divorce hearing and Reilly was headed with the rest of the company to Columbus, Ohio for Monday night's show. I was doing everything I could to convince her to come with me but she refused, feeling that her presence there would only throw a wrench in the divorce proceedings.

"Reilly, I don't feel comfortable enough leaving you alone,not with him around." My words were soft, but serious as I ran my hand down her cheek.

"Like I said before John, you can't protect me from everything. I have to be able to take care of things on my own and that includes watching out for myself while you're not around. I can't risk going to Florida with you, the wrong person seeing us together and you getting questioned on everything in this hearing, I just can't. I'll be fine." Reilly replied, squeezing my hand gently.

"Ok, what if I said I just don't want to let you go." I whispered, letting my hand caress her cheek again. I didn't care who saw us, leaving this woman was killing me.

"It's only two days. You'll be fine, I promise." She scolded and I knew there was no getting her to give in this time.

Sighing, I hefted my bag onto my shoulder and kissed her forehead quickly. "You'll be there Monday morning right?"

"Of course I will. Now get going before you miss your plane." Reilly shooed me off down the hallway. Reaching the ticket counter I gave the attendant my ticket before turning to look back at Reilly. The look on her face worried me slightly, a hidden concern, something in her eyes that I couldn't quite put my finger on before she shook her head and flashed me a smile. Something was bothering her and here I was leaving again. Just another thing I'd have to make up to her when the time was right.

_-Reilly-_

A few hours later my plane landed in Columbus and after picking up my rental car I headed directly to the hotel. What I hadn't told John was that I had plans tonight but there was a reason for it. If I had told him what I planned on doing that night he would have skipped Florida entirely to keep an eye on me and I couldn't have that. I needed to see Jesse without John knowing in order for my plan to work.

The difference between John and Jesse was easy to identify. For both of them, this match had become personal, but in matches like this, letting personal emotions get in the way could very quickly cloud judgments and cause a person to make a bad decision, which is what I was counting on. I knew John well enough to know that even though this match was deeply personal, he wasn't going to let that get in the way of his judgment when it was time but Jesse was a different story. He hadn't been around this sport long enough and I knew if I pushed it just a little this match would be nothing but personal for him, a fact that I hoped would be his downfall.

Reaching the hotel, I checked in and headed straight to my room. I wanted this over and done with tonight so that I could calm my nerves before John got back Monday morning. Kelly and I had a complete spa day planned Sunday, an idea I had had after coming up with my whole Jesse plan. I grabbed a quick shower before curling my hair and pulling on the outfit I had created solely on my own. I stood in front of the mirror, wondering what the hell I was thinking by doing this but at the same time, knew it needed to be done. Smoothing my dress I made a mental note to save this outfit after tonight. John would definitely get a kick out of it and Kelly would be so proud of me. [polyvore].

Crossing the room, I sat on the edge of the bed, pulled my cell out of my purse and after a deep breath, dialed Jesse's number ( I had sweet talked one of the guys in personnel into getting it for me). Two rings later he answered...

"Yeah?" He spoke shortly. Jesse had never been much of a phone person.

"We need to talk." I said simply, knowing he would recognize my voice.

"Is this some kind of joke Reilly? What, did you and your little boy toy get into a fight and now you're trying to get back at him?" Even over the phone, the sound of his voice made me nauseous.

"Shut it Jesse. I need to talk and I think you'll be interested in what I have to say. Where are you?" I clenched my teeth, my knuckles turning white as I gripped the phone tightly to my ear.

"I'm in the hotel. Geez you're a little bossy for someone who has alot to lose ya know." Jesse pushed. He was trying to get me angry and I took another deep breath to steady myself.

"Meet me down in the lobby in 10 minutes." I stated and hung up the phone. Still sitting on the bed, I stared across the room at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were wide, darker than I'd seen them in quite awhile and even with the makeup, I looked pale. I had told him to meet me in the lobby because I refused to be alone with him somewhere. At least there in the hotel we'd be out in the open, hopefully with other people around.

Glancing at my phone to check the time, I sighed, knowing I couldn't put this off any longer. Suddenly all I wanted was to be wrapped in John's arms or to hear his voice but he couldn't know about any of this. He'd be furious with me if he knew and I just couldn't risk it. brushing myself off, I picked up my purse and my room key and headed out into the hall.

'John, I really miss you.' I thought to myself as the elevator doors slid shut.

I exited the elevator into the lobby and glancing around, was happy to see that because it was still early, the lobby was mostly filled with people milling about. My happiness quickly faded though when I saw Jesse, perched on an arm chair set up in one corner of the room. I clenched my hands at my sides to still the shaking and made my way over to him, the sweetest smile I could manage plastered to my face.

"Well, aren't you just a pretty little snitchy thing?" Jesse tested as I perched myself carefully in the chair across from him. "Going to see your boy-toy?"

"First of all, he's not my boy-toy so stop calling him that. Secondly, no I'm not going to see him, I'm here to see you." I purred, my stomach twisting at the sickening sweetness I was trying to get him to believe. I crossed my legs and my arms in front of my chest and stared him down, the smile still plastered in place.

Noticing my smile, Jesse seemed to soften some and slid himself into his chair, stretching his legs out in front of him, a sick smirk on his face. "So, princess, to what do I owe this impromptu meeting?"

"I'm not your princess. And as far as this meeting goes, before I say anything I want to get one thing straight. You tell no one about this, understand me? If anyone, including John, finds out about this, the deal is off, get it?" I couldn't keep the venom from my words, even as they slipped through my deceiving smile. I needed him to believe everything I was telling him and in order to do that, a little acting was in order.

"Yeah sure, fine. Although this intrigues me, your little boy-..."he caught himself before continuing, "friend not knowing about us." As he finished I felt his eyes run up and down, taking in my outfit and I couldn't keep the shiver at bay. No matter how much time passed, the man sitting in front of me made me very uneasy.

"There is no us Jesse, at least...not yet." I paused, letting him think about that last part for a minute. When I saw him raise his eyebrow, I continued,

"I'm willing to make you a deal. If, and most likely when, John wins this match in two weeks, you leave us alone...for good."

"And what do I get if I make your little playboy tapout?" Jesse's voice was low, and he leaned toward me, eagerly anticipating my answer.

I sighed, ran a quick hand through my hair and then looked him square in the eyes, willing him to believe every word I was about to say. "If you win...then you get me." I whispered, never breaking the eye contact.

Jesse chuckled, a low, menacing sound, and then grabbed one of my hands and held it tightly in both of his. "We're gonna be really happy together, Reilly. Believe me, we are..." He squeezed my hands again, so hard this time that it hurt for a split-second, before he released them and stood up. "I'll see you soon...very soon." Jesse finished, before turning and walking away.

I sat, frozen in the chair for a minute, wondering what the hell I had just done. Had I really just told Jesse that he could have me if he beat John? I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and stood, making my way back towards the elevator. By the time I reached my room, I was shaking uncontrollably but the tears wouldn't fall. Seating myself on the bed, I pulled out my cell and saw I had a missed text from Kelly-

**Hey Doll, Stephen's coming in tomorrow after all. I hate to bail on you, you know that...can we** **reschedule?**

'Sure, don't worry about it. Have fun :)' I sent back and set my phone on the bed next to me. Well, I was now free the next day and wasn't sure what I was going to do with myself. My encounter with Jesse, and more, what I had decided to give him if he won, had me rattled and my mind was racing.

There was only one person that could always seem to calm my shaking, to calm me as a whole...and he was in Flori...

I glanced at the clock. It was only 5:30 p.m. If I left now I could...wait, was I seriously thinking about flying all the way down to Florida just because I wanted to see John? Hadn't I told myself that it would only complicate things? I shook my head, trying to remove the idea but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to go. And showing up at his hotel room door, in this outfit...I could just imagine the look on his face. But what about the hearing? I could always stay in the hotel...or just leave at a different time than him if I wanted to go somewhere so we weren't seen together...Glancing around the room, my bag still half-packed, sitting by the door, I smiled. I wanted to forget about Jesse and everything that had been said and as far as I could think, the best way to forget about something was to wrap myself up in John. Sliding off the bed, I threw my phone in my purse, closed my duffel bag and slung it over my shoulder. Tucking my room key into a pocket in my purse, I slipped out of the room and made my way back toward the elevators I had just exited minutes before. I didn't know if I'd even be able to catch a flight once I got to the airport but at this point, I didn't care. I wanted, needed to be with John and that was all that mattered.

Six hours later, I was standing in front of John's hotel room door, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. What if he really didn't want me there? I should have turned around, should have gone straight back to the airport and back to Columbus so that John wouldn't know how crazy I actually was.

But, I never listen to what I SHOULD do and slowly, I reached out and knocked lightly on his door.

A minute later, I heard shuffling and then the slide of the lock on the other side of the door before it swung open and John stood in front of me, shirtless and yawning in a pair of Under Armour sleep pants. I watched as his eyes struggled to focus and giggled as, when they finally did, they widened so largely I swore they'd pop out of his head. All I could do was stand there as he eyed me up and down, a slow smile creeping across his face as he took in what I was wearing. Finally his eyes locked with mine, his smile a thousand miles wide as he stared at me, his arm propped up against the door frame.

"I know I said I shouldn't be down here with you...I just...I couldn't stop thinking about you and thought, maybe I could surprise you..."

I was cutoff as John grabbed my arm and in one swift move, pulled me into the room and shut the door behind us. Taking my bag from my shoulder, he tossed it into the corner while at the same time backing me up against the door, his hands on either side of my head, keeping me there. His room was pitch black (he must have been asleep when I showed up) and it took a minute for my eyes to focus. When they finally did I found John's eyes, wide and sparkling, even in the darkness, staring down at me, that same smile still glued to his face.

"I really didn't mean to bother you John, I just...I don't know." I glanced down at the dark floor, unable to keep my eyes locked on his. The truth about why I was there needed to come out and yet I was hesitant. I couldn't have him know everything, couldn't let him realize just how far I was willing to go to protect what he and I had. Sighing, I looked up at him to find him waiting for me, his eyes searching mine as I finished, "I needed to be with you."

Scooping me up into his arms, he carried me through the dark room and set me gently down on his bed. Sitting next to me, he pulled me into his arms and onto his chest as he laid back on the bed. Running his hand through my hair, I gazed down at him, my hands resting on his chest, our eyes level with the others. "I needed you with me too." John whispered before leaning up and pressing his lips to mine. His kiss was soft, gentle and easy. A sigh of contentment escaped my lips as he pulled away, running his thumb across my lower lip as his other arm tightened against my back, holding me tightly to him. "This is so much better than dreaming about you." He smiled, and then continued, "I'm not whole without you Reilly, a piece of me is always missing the minute you leave me...and I hate it. I hate missing that piece, even for a day. You are my life, my world...damn it Reilly you are everything I will ever need. Thank you for coming. I love you."

Smiling, I ran my hand through his hair, knowing this was everything...he was everything I needed and coming down here had been the best decision I could have made. "I love you too." I managed to get out before John's lips were on mine again and for awhile...I completely forgot about Jesse and what I had done...


	16. Over

**The Next Morning...**

_-Reilly-_

I woke the next morning to sunlight streaming through the hotel room window. Blinking my eyes, my gaze fell on the empty pillow next to me;empty except for the note lying on top of it. I knew John was going to have an early morning but I still couldn't escape the slight twinge of pain I felt. Flopping onto my stomach and cradling my pillow, I reached over and picked up the note...

_ Reilly,_  
_ Thank you for literally making my dreams come true last night._  
_ I'll be back as soon as possible, I promise._  
_ Love,_  
_ J-_

Smiling, I flipped myself onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, thoughts of the night before running rampant through my mind. Absentmindedly I played with the collar of John's shirt, the one I had slipped on instead of pj's hours before. Coming to bed in his shirt and little else was probably torturous to him, but he never let on. He was different that way, still a typical guy in the way he thought sometimes (I knew because I could see the glint in his eye from time to time) but he never complained about how little we'd actually done. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to, and probably could have, given him every part of me last night, seeing how completely happy I was being there with him,but at the same time, I think both of us knew where we would eventually end up as far as the physical part of our relationship went. I don't think either of us wanted to rush anything, knowing that when we finally did give in, it would be because we could give ourselves to each other without anything hanging over our heads. We both wanted each other in every way possible but were just as happy savoring every moment of just being with I couldn't get over how John, over and over again, kept telling me just how happy he was that I was there with him all night. He was like a little boy who had received an early Christmas gift and his enthusiasm when it came to us was undeniably contagious. We had laid talking for a good hour or two before I finally convinced him he needed to get some sleep with his early start in the morning. With his arms around my waist and his head resting on my chest, John fell asleep soon after as I ran my hands through his buzz cut hair, silently cursing myself for the promise I had made to Jesse. All I could do was hope and pray that John would be able to handle himself the way I knew he could, and then I wouldn't have to worry about Jesse again.

Pulling myself out of my daydreams, I glanced at the clock. It was 9:30 so I decided to drag myself out of bed and into the shower. After washing my hair and shaving my legs, I slipped back into Johns shirt and pulled on my favorite pair of white sweat shorts. I ran the towel over my hair before deciding to let it dry naturally and scrunched it up with my hands so it fell in damp waves down my shoulders.

I wanted to keep myself busy until John got back so I pulled my laptop out of my bag and curled myself up on the bed with it in my lap. I buried myself in schedules and emails for the next few hours and before I knew it, it was one in the afternoon. Stretching my legs out in front of me, I rested the laptop on my knees and leaned back against the headboard, closing my eyes.

A few minutes later, my eyes flew open at the sound of a key in the door lock and I turned my head in time to see John breeze into the room. He had a bag of what I assumed was food in his hand that he casually tossed onto the table before crossing the room purposefully towards me, a huge grin spread across his face. Reaching the bed, he lifted the laptop and carefully set it on the night stand next to me before scooping me up into his arms so quickly that I cried out in surprise.

I stared at him for a moment, wondering what had gotten into him and went to open my mouth to ask when his lips came crashing down on mine with such force that if he hadn't been holding me, I would have fallen to the floor. We stayed like that for what felt like forever, his lips searching mine while his arms held me so tightly to him there couldn't have been more than an inch of space between us. Finally, minutes later I managed to tear my lips from his long enough to catch my breath and stared at him again, my eyes full of questions.

John set me lightly on my feet, his hands cradling either side of my head as his sapphire colored eyes bore into mine, sparkling with a sort of elation I'd yet to see from him. We didn't say anything, I wasn't sure what to say, I just placed by hands on his arms, relishing in his obvious happiness. After what felt like an eternity, John finally opened his mouth to speak.

"It's over." His words were barely a whisper and he ran his thumb lightly across my cheek as he gazed at me.

I was now more confused than ever. "Whats over John?"

His smile, the one I didn't think could grow any bigger, widened as his hands left my face and pulled me right up against him again, removing every millimeter of space that could have been left between us. He took a deep breath, kissed me softly and then finished, "the divorce...it's over."

I couldn't keep the gasp from escaping as the reality his words hit me full force. Was he serious? Hadn't we both had a discussion about how long and drawn-out this was most likely going to be?

Chuckling, John cut off my questions before I could even get them out as he spun me around the room. Never in the years I had known him had I seen John this incredibly overjoyed. Sitting himself on the bed, he cradled me in his lap and feathered my face with quick little kisses.

"I...can't...begin...to...explain...how...happy...I...am...right ...now." He was smiling between each kiss, his words soft and sweet.

"How John? What changed all of a sudden?" I questioned. My heart was still racing a mile a minute as I gazed up at him.

Johns smile widened yet again as he ran his hand through my hair, bringing it to rest on the back of my neck. "She decided she was tired of dragging it out. We came to agreements about the issues that had been stretched out for so long and as soon as I get and sign the final papers, it's over. "

Smiling up at him, I caressed his cheek lovingly, his contagious elation finally enveloping me. "I've never seen you so happy," I whispered.

"I've never been this happy. Reilly, do you know what this means?" John nuzzled his face into my hand, the sheepish little boy grin creeping across his features again.

"What?" I wondered.

"It means I can love you, unconditionally. I can love you with everything I have, give you everything I am...Reilly I can love you and not give a damn what anyone thinks anymore. I can finally show you everything you are to me." Johns eyes burned into mine, the normal pool blue turned deep sapphire with the emotion pouring from them.

"I love you...so much." My words hung in the air for a split second before I found myself reaching up to kiss him this time. It was over, I could love him with everything I was, no more worries, no more what if's. We were going to be able to be together...at least for another two weeks. The thought that all of this could come crumbling down after Johns pay-per-view match brought me back down to reality temporarily but I pushed back the wave of sadness and worry. If it was going to be only two weeks he and I had, I was going to do everything in my power to love him the way he loved me.

My sentiments were short-lived however, as we were interrupted mid-kiss by Johns ever present stomach. Although this time, we both broke down in a fit of giggles as we walked over and dug into the food...

As I ate I stared across the table at John, my mind slowly unwinding. 'Thank you,' I thought to myself, ' for loving me, for making me happy. Thank you for being mine...'


	17. Last Chance

**Two Weeks Later...**

"You sure you're going to be okay?" Kel asked me as she spun another curl of my hair off the curling iron and let it fall down my back.

"I have to be Kel. I have to go out there and act like I have full confidence in John and that I'm not the least bit worried about the outcome of this fight.

And the thing that makes it that much worse is that I can't show emotion either way. I have to act like I don't care who wins...I have to.." I paused, my head pounding at the amount of thoughts running through it, "I have to act like this is just any old match. No one out there realizes this isn't scripted, no one knows that if John loses..." I buried my head in my hands at the mere idea of John losing his job. Shaking my head, the tears began to flow for the millionth time that day and I was glad Kelly had yet to start my makeup.  
Setting the curling iron on the counter, Kelly kneeled in front of me and took my hands in hers. "Reilly, John can more than handle himself, you know that. But maybe, and don't hate me for saying this...maybe you need to tell him...let him know what you told Jesse. Maybe that bit of information will..."

"Absolutely not!" I didn't mean to yell but this was a touchy subject for me. "Kel, I told Jesse what I did because I wanted it to work against him...I can't tell John that there's a chance that he could lose me tonight because I don't want it working against him too. I know John can usually keep emotional feelings out of work, but this isn't work and I don't know just how much it would affect him, whether in a negative or positive fashion. What am I going to do if he loses tonight Kel?" I questioned...it was more to myself than Kelly but it didn't matter.

"You need to go into this believing that he won't. God Reilly, that man is so completely in love with you it's scary. You know it will take everything short of him giving his life, and then maybe not even that could keep him from protecting you. John will fight to the end for you, and you just need to go out there with the mindset that he's going to come out of this on top and everything will work out for you two." Kelly responded, squeezing my hands softly.

I nodded, knowing she was right about having to go in with a certain mindset and she went back to work on my hair.

An hour later, I was standing in front of the door to Johns locker room, attempting to make myself walk away without going in. I knew seeing him now would only make it more difficult later on if he did lose but I couldn't keep myself away. Steadying myself to try and mask the shaking, I pushed open the door and stepped in.

It was the first time since John and I had been together that I hadn't been greeted with a smile when I walked in. Complete and utter seriousness had taken over my favorite smile and part of me ached to see it again but instead, John crossed the room, wrapped me tightly in his arms and buried his head in my shoulder.

"I love you."With his head on my shoulder, his words were muffled against my skin.

"I know. I love you too." I whispered, my arms slipping around his neck and clasping themselves together behind John's head.

Pulling his head up far enough to gaze down at me, I saw the worry clouding the watery blue of his eyes. "I won't let him get to you Reilly...he's not getting anywhere near you...tonight, or ever again."

Even in sky high heels, I still had to stand on tip-toe to kiss him softly, trying to reassure him (and myself) that everything would be ok. "Just do what you do...that's all there is John."

Nodding, he ran his thumb lightly along my cheek as his eyes locked with mine and I nuzzled my face into the palm of his hand. " You look amazing. You should keep that dress." I smiled, knowing my choice in outfit played off of John's emotions rather well.. [polyvore]

I smiled lightly and planted a kiss on the inside of his palm as I slipped from his arm. "I need to go..." I started.

Taking my face in his hands, the seriousness returned as Johns eyes bore into mine once more. " Promise me you'll still be here, regardless of the outcome tonight?"

It was all I could do to keep the tears from exploding down my cheeks. I couldn't lie to him. I couldn't promise him something I couldn't guarantee and it killed me. Biting my lip, all I could do was nod and hope he would take that as enough of an answer. I kissed him again, savoring what I hoped and prayed wouldn't be our last before slipping out the door.

**Fifteen Minutes Later...**

-_John- _

'Damn, this guy is tougher than I figured he'd be.' I thought to myself as I threw Jesse into the ring post for the third time. We were outside the ring, all over the place and it was only 5 minutes into the match.

He picked himself up from the floor as I managed to regain some of my breath and flew at me as I turned to face him. Lunging out of the way, I felt my ankle move as I stepped and instantly, I was down on the floor. Crap, this was not what I needed. Eyeing it quickly, I could tell it was sprained as the swelling was already obvious. Gritting my teeth, I pushed myself up off the floor as quickly as I could. It would be a cold day in hell before I let him catch onto the fact that I already had a bum ankle.

Slipping myself back into the ring, I perched myself in a corner and waited why he pulled himself to a standing position. Seeing my opportunity, I moved and picked him up onto my shoulders, readying the AA. I wanted this match over and the sooner the better as far as my ankle was concerned. I grabbed his feet, ready to send him off my shoulders and crashing to the mat when I felt his elbow connect with the side of my hand. Trying to shake it off, I tightened my grip on his feet but a few more blows and I dropped him, trying to shake the ringing from my head.

I stumbled to a corner, attempting to disguise my developing limp as best i could while still trying to lose the stinging sensation from Jesse's elbows. I wasn't paying attention and I heard the gasp from the crowd, but, too little too late as Jesse came across the ring, grabbed my head and bull-dogged me face first onto the mat. Cringing, I managed to roll over onto my back, catching a glimpse of Reilly, her eyes wide with fear as she took everything in. I wanted this match over as fast as possible, the longer it took, the more worry creased her face...but I wasnt sure what the hell I was going to do to finish Jesse at this point...

Ten minutes later and I found myself hunched over, gripping my stomach after the huge kicks I had just taken to the ribs. This match was falling apart faster than I could put it back together and my mind struggled for some sort of idea. Jesse had caught on to my bum ankle and had made sure to take full advantage, stomping on it any chance he got. I had to come up with something, my ankle was on fire and now my ribs were killing me. I was losing control of this and I couldn't have that. I didn't have much time to think though as I suddenly found myself with Jesse's arms wrapped around my head, locking it tightly. My brain struggled to function as I could feel the oxygen slowing being limited from his grip around my throat and I went to my knees again, attempting to conserve any energy I had left.

"You know she was never yours to begin with Johnny boy. That little bitch has always been mine and she knows it, she's just been playing along with your little fantasy. Soon enough she'll be back where she belongs, getting EXACTLY what she deserves." Jesse's words hissed in my ear and I clenched my teeth tightly.

"What she deserves is to be protected from assholes like you and that's exactly what I'm going to do." I managed to get out as I took a huge breath and slowly, with him on my back, forced myself to my feet. Reaching a full upright position, I grabbed the back of his neck and flipped him forward off of my shoulders, sending him crashing to the mat. I stumbled to a corner facing the ramp, collecting myself the best I could and regaining my breath, and then I heard a collective gasp from the crowd. Glancing up to the jumbo-tron, my mouth fell open as I took in what was happening right behind me.

Reilly was up on the edge of the apron and Jesse was right in her face shouting something about not getting involved. I spun myself around in time to see Jesse raise his hand and move to slap Reilly. Instinctively, I took a step toward them but stopped short when Reilly, my Reilly, reached up and grabbed his wrist before his hand could connect with her cheek. Shaking her head, I could make out the three words she said to him, 'not this time...' before hauling off and slapping him square across the face. The crowd lost it and Jesse stumbled back momentarily, shaking his head before his face turned bright red and he got right back in her face, his shouting incoherent from where I stood.

Something changed in that moment, time ceased to move and I saw it in Reilly's eyes as I stared at her from across the ring...she was no longer afraid of him. She'd let go of the control he once had on her and stood there, not backing down as he screamed at her over and over again. Pulling her eyes away, they found mine and I knew instantly what she was doing...she was giving me a chance...my Reilly was giving me another chance...a last chance to be with her...This was my chance to prove to her how much I needed her safe, how much I just plain needed her. Nodding my head, I shouted one word, "MOVE!", before I lunged across the ring after Jesse. Reilly jumped off the apron to the floor just in time to miss me running Jesse into the ring post shoulder first. Not wasting a moment, I instantly scooped him up onto my shoulders and this time, the AA went off smoothly.

That should have been the end of it, I should have been able to pin Jesse in that moment and the match would have been over but...I'm not that forgiving. I flipped him over on his stomach while at the same time spinning him around so we were both facing Reilly, pulled up his knee and locked my arms around his face, cinching the STF. I wanted him to have to tap...to have to basically say I quit..punishing him for everything he'd ever done to hurt

Reilly, every time he used her, every time he even had a thought about her...I pulled my arms just a little tighter, wanting him to feel every ounce of contempt, every ounce of anger I held for him. And then, seconds later, I felt the tap against my arm. He'd quit. The match was over. He was gone. "You EVER come near her again and I swear you won't be walking away." Flipping myself off of him, the ref held up my arm and in the next second, I was searching for Reilly...my Reilly.

It only took a split-second for me to find her, making her way up the stairs and slipping ever so gracefully under the rope and into the ring. She stood in the corner, regarding me with her hands on her hips as if checking out her new "client" and I stayed where I was, unsure of how she wanted to play this out. I got my answer a few seconds later when she crossed the ring toward me, stopping inches in front of my face. Staring down at her, her sweet vanilla smell invading my senses, I held my breath, willing myself to behave. 'They're gonna get a kick out of this.' She whispered, just loud enough for me to make out and then, in front of thousands of people, and thousands more watching at home, Reilly reached up and kissed me, sweet, full...and it all made sense. Everything in the world made sense to me through that kiss. Reilly was letting go, she was ready for our relationship to move forward, damn what everyone else thought, she was giving me everything she had and I knew in that moment, as thousands of people cheered around us, that she was the rest of my life. Reilly was my everything and I couldn't wait to see what our future held.


	18. Epilogue

**One Year Later...**

_-Reilly-_

How I had gotten myself to where I stand today, I'm not really sure. Things were different, this much I was sure of. My relationships were different, my life was different...Never had I imagined a day like this, and yet, here I was.

"Don't cry baby, everything's going to work out." My mom whispers, wiping away a stray tear that had escaped down my cheek.

I turn to her, her own eyes sparkling with tears. "Am I really doing the right thing mom?"

"No one can answer that but you honey. Only you can tell decide if this is what's right for you." She says, taking my hand and squeezing it softly.

Taking a deep breath, I nod, knowing I won't be able to hold the tears off much longer. In the distance, I hear music start to play and brace myself, begging the tears not to fall just yet; I'm not ready to give in.

You see, it is deja vu all over again for me...my best friend is getting married tonight. And here I am, fighting back the tears, not wanting my emotions to betray me...What had I done to deserve all of this?

The doors in front of me open...and I'm immediately overcome by the soft, nighttime ocean air. Blinking my eyes, I refocus myself, the tears threatening me yet again as I saw John standing at the end of the beach next to the ocean. I still couldn't believe he was getting married again.

" Are you sure you can do this?" My mom whispers, holding me gently by the elbow.

I nod, knowing this was my only chance, this was what I had left. And in that moment, I give in, I let the tears slip down my cheeks, not caring who saw. When they're happy tears, there's no reason to hide them.

Yes, happy tears. You see, like I said, my best friend is getting married again tonight. I can see him from where I stand, waiting at the end of the aisle, waiting for her, his eyes glistening, his smile wide as ever. But what I haven't said, what I forgot to mention is probably the most important bit of information about this whole night...

John is waiting for me...Tonight, I'm marrying my best friend.

~~~End~~~


End file.
